Transcript Opposite Mates

Transcript Opposite Mates

0 (1s):
Welcome to real raw with dr. B, this nationally published author and pastor has made it his life’s work to helping people strengthen their relationship with God themselves and each other with 25 years as a licensed counselor, coupled with his own life experiences with the ups and downs of married and single life. It’s like having a counseling session right in your own home. So without any further ado, it’s time for real roar with dr. B.

1 (33s):
Oh my goodness. This is doctor B. When we come here to give you information, to be more connected with your loved one yourself and a cause with God, because without him, we can do nothing at all with today’s topic. I don’t have my Chalkbot today because I’m running late. Yeah. I’m running late. All right. Don’t get mad at me. I’m just running late. And today we’re going to talk about differences. Now, a lot of times in relationships, people are always trying to say, well, what is it that we do that are similar?

1 (1m 7s):
What, what things did we do that makes us love each other? And one thing I’ve found out as a, as a, as a marriage counselor, he hasn’t turned his thing down here is that is not by what differences you have. The commonality is your differences, because when you can learn to work through your differences, Oh my goodness. That really shows you love. Yeah. Because a lot of times people say, well, you know what? We like this. We like that. Now don’t get me wrong. Now you got to have some similarities.

1 (1m 40s):
You got to have some stuff that we have in common, the allergy, you know what I’m saying? But a lot of times, if you’re not careful, you’ll be so connected to what you have as a commonality, watches that as soon as there is a major difference, all of a sudden the earth is removed from his crust. Okay. And that’s gonna cause a problem every single time. Why? Because you’re trying to understand that your relationship here me is based on, can we go through the flow of life?

1 (2m 14s):
In other words, if there’s a difference with you and it’s different with me, how can we resolve it and still be on one to God? Yeah. See, that’s how you grow as a couple. Okay. You grow as a couple. When you don’t learn to wash is focus on your differences. Now again, you can focus on your differences all day long and sabotage. That’s the word I said, you can sabotage your relationship. And when you sabotage your relationship, guess what you done jacked up, what God gave you. Yeah. Some of us have done that.

1 (2m 44s):
Yeah. Have you? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I’m talking about you. Yeah. You, God gave you this great person in your life. And because you’re so focused on the things that are different, that you’re not focused on things that are common as well. So again, as learning to understand, hear me that your differences are, they are for a reason now as a Christian counselor, I only counsel heterosexual couples. All right. Heterosexual means different.

1 (3m 15s):
Now I ain’t going to go there, but you know, I’ll go there real quick. The genitalia of the man and woman, they look quite different. Yes, they do

2 (3m 25s):
Praise God.

1 (3m 26s):
It goes right here. When they come together, my God is a heaviness singing. The age is over. As I say, we can’t do that. No angel, you can’t do that. But there’s a difference. There’s a difference. So hear me. So here are the differences of the man and woman coming together and washes from that watches, from the differences coming together, you have creation. Yeah. You have climax. You have the birth of children. Can y’all hear me? Let me go back one more time. Again. Here are the differences.

1 (3m 56s):
Here’s the man. Here’s a woman that coming together. The genitalia is different. The chromosomes are different. In other words, their insides are different yet. They see their difference and they still come together. I’m gonna help him. Somebody right now. I think I am right now. Now, again, those on Facebook, if you watch me, you can definitely send in your comments. And my executive producer, minister, Henry being enemy. We’ll give you the comments and I will go with it. So again, isn’t it wonderful how the difference is again?

1 (4m 31s):
Do I focus on it and do I destroy my spouse, my mate, for that? Or do I understand? Okay. There is a difference again. Let me say it one more time. Again. The difference is when they come together in intimacy, they create orgasm and also they create children. Wow. Is the difference they come together. They come together. It’s a nice fit too. Yes, Lord Jesus. It’s a nice fit. Have my date come in 29th. Yeah. It’s a nice, it’s an it’s a bit. And so it’s, I’m sorry. It’s a wonderful fit. Okay. Is a wonderful fit. So what couples do wrongly is that they so focused on what they don’t have in common, that they forget what they do have in common.

1 (5m 9s):
So really it’s taking your differences and working with it. Yeah, buddy. Why? Because by working with it, you become closer by working with it. You become more connected by, by working with him, hear me loud and clear. You do not increase the abandonment issues. You know how many couples before they got married before they found that significant other had or have abandonment issues. So let’s go deep. When you focus so much on the differences, you, and then you get away from your spousal, from your loved one.

1 (5m 45s):
You know what you’re doing? You are re triggering. The differences are common over there. Okay? You are. Re-triggering the things that have made them fight all of their that you’re making them feel. Wow. That’s why he doesn’t love me. Or that’s why she doesn’t love me. So when you so focused on the differences versus, you know what, let me apply the difference. Let me applaud what makes us different. Let me applaud what we have in between us.

1 (6m 15s):
Why? Because now we’ll growing. Hear me loud and clear growth is not. When you focus on your summit cities or things that you have in similar, you know what growth is? Growth is I take what is different about you? I tell you what’s different about me and we grow together. That’s how you grow as a couple. That’s how you go to the next area. But if you’re not careful, again, you’ll focus so much on what is different. Now I will tell you now, okay.

1 (6m 45s):
When you go to relationship him and I didn’t clear, you got to know, write this down, come on, write it down. Okay. Ready? Okay. You got to know what the differences are. Yeah. You know what I mean? Couples get married and then they find out, I didn’t know you did that. I know you like that. Right? And then all of a sudden, now the difference is when you learn them after marriage or after the engagement, all of a sudden could be a nail biter. It could be a stoppage.

1 (7m 16s):
Why? Because now we found something in our relationship that could affect us. We’ll find something in relationship that could take us down a wrong road. So hear me loud and clear. There are a lot of couples. When they, when they are dating, they will try to hide the differences. So let’s go even deeper up. Sometime your differences are your weaknesses. Sometime your differences are things that you don’t like about yourself. So if I hide it, if I don’t show it, if I try to mask it, I’m, I’m talking about somebody right now.

1 (7m 52s):
As long as he don’t find out. And as long as you don’t find out, no, he gone find out so later. All right. So the smart thing to do, let me show

0 (8m 2s):
You who I really am real raw with. Dr. B is brought to you by the total relationship trainer, a ministry of restoration Springs, interdenominational church, Hosea four six says our people die for a lack of knowledge to that end. Dr. B has written 24 nationally published books on relationships, intimacy and theology. You can check out his library at dr. T C brentley.com.

0 (8m 32s):
Backslash bookstore. If you or a loved one are in a difficult season in your life, marriage or personal situation, you can reach out to dr. B at area code (203) 753-7377 or via email at dr. B is real@gmail.com. That’s D R B I S R E a l@gmail.com. Now back to your virtual relationship counselor, here’s more of dr.

0 (9m 4s):
B.

1 (9m 6s):
Now we’re talking about a true relationship. Why? Because when I hide the differences and not be truthful with you about my differences, then I’m really setting us up for failure. That’s what I said. I’ll say it again. When you hide your differences, right? You are setting yourself up for what failure. You’re setting yourself up to fail. Why? Because you don’t want to tell the person what makes you unique. Okay? What, what, what, what were the things that make you out of the norm?

1 (9m 40s):
Why? Because I don’t want to show that to them. I don’t, I don’t want to show that side to him. Well, I’m saying to you, the less you show, right? The other less, he can love. I’ll say that one more time again. You didn’t hear me. I’ll say it again. The less you show, the less you were able to love. Why? Because that person is always going to try to hide it. I’m teaching somebody, come on. I’m doing some counseling right now. Why? Because instead of me loving you. Okay. All right. So, so watch this here, my hands, right?

1 (10m 10s):
And my hands, when I’m close to my mate, it should be there to hug. Right? Hear me loud and clear. So my hands, when I’m close to my mate, I’m there to hug. You want to hear me one more time again? So the hands that I have, they’re there, the hug, but instead of watches, instead of hugging my mate, I’m hiding my pain. I’m hiding things that I’m embarrassed about. I’m hiding the scars over my life. So instead of me hugging you, I’m hugging my pain. I am trying to make sure you don’t see it.

1 (10m 43s):
You don’t see my scar. You don’t see my weaknesses. And if you do that constantly in a relationship, guess what? Now, I’m now the person who loves you is not able to love you. Right? How can I love you? Because you’re not reciprocating. The love. I think guys are seeing the issue here, aren’t you? Yeah. Yeah. So, so, so you are so trying to hide your differences. You are so trying to not show the things that make you different in your relationship, you really are setting yourself up to destroy, right?

1 (11m 15s):
You really are setting up a point where you’re going to be hurt down the road and you can’t do that. People you cannot consistently do that and expect to have a strong, healthy, powerful relationship. There is no way that I say I say it again. There is no way you can do that on a regular basis. There is no way that you can say, I love you, but I don’t want to share everything with you. Oh, here we go. Again. You got to get in a deep part here. See, see, hemming relationships are not about being a surface or relationship.

1 (11m 53s):
It’s about deep. Come on, brother. You know like you, when you go to D when you met with your wife, you know what I’m talking about? You know exactly what I’m talking about. Praise the Lord. Well, guess what it’s saying? They won’t see emotionally. Yeah. If you’re not letting your spouse go deep, now, let me show you how deep is. If you have a dream that’s disturbing. If something that, that bothers you today and you don’t share that with your mate, guess what? You’re not showing your differences, right?

1 (12m 24s):
That to me, you talking about differences. Each of my hiding secrets or witnesses, it all is inclusive. My brother is all inclusive. My sister, because you’re not being consistently real. Yeah. You are consistently trying to mask or not show the differences with that man or the differences with that woman. And then, and then by you doing that, you’re not connecting. Ah, now coming to dr. B’s practice. Now I say something to couples that kind of makes them want to leave my office.

1 (12m 58s):
None till they pay me though, you’re going to pay me. You can’t buy all that. I love we come off. As I click rank, I locked that gum. I’m kidding. By being honest though. So when I say to him, I said, listen, I do not believe in communication. And I, and I paused purposely cause he look at each other, like what we tell our Willis communication is nothing without a connection. Does that make sense to you? It makes sense to me. If I am not connected to you, I can not communicate one more time again.

1 (13m 33s):
How can I totally and fully communicate to you when I’m disconnected? And so a lot of couples do, right? You are so focused on your differences, all the weaknesses in your life, you cannot be connected. You can’t because you’re so into what is happening. You’re so into the differences in your life that you see in you now listen, the difference sometimes is not so much of what your spouse sees.

1 (14m 6s):
Yeah. Sometimes the difference is different. You seen yourself now hear me. I told her a couple, a couple this yesterday. Matter of fact, in counseling Hartford, I told them don’t help the devil defeat. You let that marinade, let that marinate. You let the hear. Now let that marinade, okay. Don’t let the devil defeat you by giving him the tools to defeat you.

1 (14m 36s):
Alright, now we all got scars, right? We all got things in us that we don’t like, but sometimes you are so focused on what you don’t like about you watch this. You have no time to love your spouse. Oh, I just, we know. I just went deep on somebody. You are so into what you don’t like about you, that you don’t have the energy or the propensity or the power or the energy to love your main, why you’re so into what’s wrong with me? I don’t like me.

1 (15m 6s):
Well, guess what? We all got stuff that we don’t like about ourselves. However, that is not an excuse. That is not an excuse to stay in your ignorance. Y’all got that one. Danielle. I’ll say that again. How many times have you had you done that to yourself? Why? Because you’re not washes. So, so, so really? What am I saying? Essence couples celebrate your differences. Yeah. When you don’t celebrate your differences.

1 (15m 36s):
Now, now let me back up real quick. I ain’t talking about toxic differences. Okay. I ain’t talking about, well, I gambled my whole paycheck and you don’t, that’s a different, a little different here. I want five wives and you only want me to have one. All right. I ain’t talking about those differences. Don’t divisible kids. Get you locked up and get you a case. Okay? Okay. I’ll get you locked up. Okay. I’m not talking about other differences. Well, you know what I like to drink till I’m drunk. Okay? Okay.

1 (16m 6s):
Those are toxic differences. Okay. And those toxic, you know what I like to hit my man every now and then. Oh you do, huh? Well, hopefully he saved. Cause if you hit him and don’t tell them what you may do back to you. Alright. So again, it’s understanding that I have to be careful hear me on the differences, but I cannot hide them. Okay. That’s why dating to me is so powerful, right? Because dating really helps you to expose the differences.

1 (16m 40s):
And can I go deep? I will. When I understand that he might understand that then how many, how many, how many times have you guys broke off relationships? Cause there was a difference.

0 (16m 53s):
Ooh boy. He’s about a real good doctor. B has chosen to devote his life, to saving the institution of marriage in his book, successful marriages for successful men. He gives them the knowledge to be relationship. Ready? Check it out. My ignorance in my first marriage was definitely Sean and I learned the hard way. And that’s one of the reasons why I write so many books on relationships because no one caught me.

0 (17m 23s):
And I learned the hard way. And it is my heart to help men, especially not 900 hard way. So this is successful marriages for successful men, guaranteed. A guarantee of this will improve your relationship. Purchases can be made at the bookstore at dr. TC brentley.com. And they can also be purchased@amazonandbarnesandnoble.com. And now here’s more of dr. V.

1 (17m 52s):
Now, now, now you like being about us and they liked jelly that’d because they didn’t like jelly. Could you like peanut butter? You’re catching me here. Everybody’s that one more time again. So you like peanut butter, the person like jelly and you fighting. Well, they don’t like peanut butter. I don’t know how God put this person in my life. Cause they don’t like peanut butter. Like I like peanut butter and the person say, well, you know what?

1 (18m 22s):
I like me some jelly. I like me some jam. I like me some great jam that they used spread that bad boy in the sweetness. And you fighting. You’re fighting. You’re fighting fight Noah. Well, don’t like jelly. You’ll give him a point don’t y’all yeah. You put peanut butter and jelly together. Lord have mercy, peanut butter and jelly together and get you some, get to some potato chips and then get you some, a Susie Q get you a diet Coke talking about some business right there, but okay.

1 (18m 58s):
Watch this now. Watch it. Watch this. Now. Now, unless you wrote sophisticated, I wasn’t born to be sophisticated, but unless you sophisticated watch it. You put the peanut butter on one side of the bread. I was about to help me here. All right. You put that on a one slice of bread, the peanut butter, right? Okay. And then on other Have slice of bread. You put the what? He better say it. Oh, you know what I’m saying?

1 (19m 29s):
Yeah. You put the jelly. Now here you are. You full of peanut butter is good teacher here. You’re full of peanut butter and other person is full of jelly. Just come together. It’s a beautiful taste. It’s just a beautiful day. You know what can I go deeper? I will. Reese’s peanut butter cup, Lord have mercy. Now, you know Reese’s peanut butter cup. What is it? Is child Peanut butter.

1 (20m 4s):
My God. I tell you that’s my favorite right now. Not somebody probably had a mistake and Trump. Yeah. Peanut butter and chocolate said, this tastes good. All I’m saying people that sometimes your blessing was right there, but you were so focused on the differences I’m have with somebody right now. You are so focused on the differences.

1 (20m 34s):
You didn’t see coming together. We make peanut butter and jelly make Reese’s Reese’s peanut butter cups. I make it one off this broadcast, peanut butter cup got the ones too. Now, you know, usually when I was a kid to this phone and I had to get that challenge. Okay, let it go. All right. So all I’m trying to say is that don’t focus so much on the differences. Just come together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s all I am saying is that instead of you beating each other up for not being like me and she not liked you, you know, I can take my own fiance.

1 (21m 12s):
The lovely Portia go wrong. She changed her name soon though. Yes, yes, sir. We have differences. We, we have psychological spiritual differences. But what we learned very quickly is that we don’t focus on differences. Now, now we, we, we understand now hemming, we, you understand there are going to be what differences. All right. There’s going to be things that you liked is going to be things that she likes, but they are nothing.

1 (21m 42s):
But what differences. So if I consistently try to beat you up now, this is very important. If I consistently try to beat you up for your differences, I’m only sabotaging the relationship. Matter of fact, I’m losing out on something that could be a blessing down the road, right? Because I am so focused on what you don’t have that I have and vice versa that is will cause a problem in the relationship. You understand me? All right. So it’s really breaking that habit is really coming against that pain in your life.

1 (22m 19s):
Because if you don’t watch it, if you don’t come against it, if you don’t fight that pain, right? If you don’t take it to a point that you know what, I’m not going to let this happen to me, right? I’m not going to let this overwhelm me to the point watches, but I forget about what brings us together. Okay? You watch your differences. Probably didn’t bring you together. Okay? Your differences probably did not bring together. You know what? Bringing you together was your love. And this is where couples lose it. And that’s why they come and see me for marriage counseling.

1 (22m 49s):
They forget about the issue that brought them together. Okay. Then forget about the love that brought them together. And so by you forgetting about that, hear me by you forgetting about the love and forgetting about the connection and forgetting about things that you have with each other, with each other, then you’re causing pains down the road. I said a number, sir. What’d you say? What’d you show. All right. They are okay. I can count. I just didn’t see it. Y’all leave me alone. Okay. I didn’t see the man numbers up there right now.

1 (23m 19s):
I see the numbers now y’all so critical. Let me see you do a podcast and talk at the same time. Alright, so really now I’m, I’m gonna say one more thing. That’s real deep. The reason why some of y’all can not get past differences in your marriage because that’s what your parents did. I’m sorry. Your parents didn’t do right. Your parents didn’t get past their differences. So as SU, why says now, as soon as you see a difference in your spouse, you freeze.

1 (23m 55s):
As soon as you see something from see something that doesn’t make sense, you immediately, Oh, there’s problems. And then instead of trying to find a solution or a compromise, you think all hell is broken loose. No, my brother, no. My sister all hell is not broken loose. You have just found out, wow. We have a difference. Okay. Now hear me again. Some of you right now still hear the sounds, the words of your mom and dad, yelling, screaming, breaking things, destroying things around you.

1 (24m 30s):
You have seen that you have experienced it. And because of how your mom and dad dealt with the differences, it has really immobilized you. So as soon as you see a difference in your mate, you didn’t even try to work it out. You know, you don’t even try to fix it, right? You just like a bulldozer and you just bulldoze over, you know, over everything and then he’s put everything to be all right. No, no. There’s a difference there. Now I will say, when you don’t try to understand what the differences, that differences will be an Anaconda and will promise only to strangle you.

1 (25m 7s):
So many couples are strangled, right? Because they don’t understand how to navigate. That’s a good word, navigate their differences. They don’t know how to go between and not let that difference. Stifle them and choke them. And eventually what kill them. Why? Because they do not want to move to another level. Right? They don’t want to say to them. So you know what? I know I need to do something. What different? I know I need to do something in a different mind frame.

1 (25m 39s):
Heidi’s have a different mind frame. You change the barometers. Okay? You change things in your life. That will totally move it. But again, you have to make that decision about differences. Okay? You have to make that differences that you know what, okay. We have a difference of opinion that should not kill us. Okay. That should not totally destroy us. Okay. That should not totally take us out. Okay. But a lot of times we let those differences take us out.

1 (26m 10s):
Well, we let those things that we don’t agree on because in other words, what happens? We let the minor become the major, all suck. He’s like you. Now y’all heard me, Danielle. I’ll say it again. You let the minor become the major. And anytime you let a minor become a major, you’re going to be in trouble. It’s not going to help. Nobody help you another point, right. People. And that’s it. My time is up. Minister hinder, be enemy my executive secretary and my executive side.

1 (26m 44s):
This is his wife and he looked nothing like his wife. Amen. They own the night, each other. Let me shut up and make any worse executive here would be enemy. Well, let it go. Executive producer hinder be enemy will come and give some information about how to support and how to keep us with the podcasts going on our people.

0 (27m 10s):
Please thank you for tuning in to real row with dr. B, this show is a product of the total relationship trainer, a ministry of restoration Springs into denominational church. If you have any questions, comments, or topics to be discussed contact at dr. B is real@gmail.com. If you’d like to hear this show again, you can go to the real roll with dr.

0 (27m 40s):
B Facebook page. If you are being led to give and want to partner with us, donations are accepted via cash app as dollar sign RSIC 1997. We also accept donations via PayPal at new rest, one twenty@yahoo.com for donations of $25 or more, we will send you an autograph copy of one of his books. For more information about dr. B, you can check him out at dr. TC brentley.com or on Twitter at coach T C Brantley and on Instagram at dr.

0 (28m 15s):
Brentley PhD until next time be encouraged and to God be the glory.