Transcript – Coach and Counselor – The Art of Role Play
Transcript – Coach and Counselor – The Art of Role Play
0 (1s):
Welcome to real raw with dr. B this nationally published author and pastor has made it his life’s work to helping people strengthen their relationship with God themselves and each other with 25 years as a licensed counselor, coupled with his own life experiences with the ups and downs of married and single life. It’s like having a counseling session right in your own home. So without any further ado, it’s time for real roar with dr. B.
1 (34s):
Oh my goodness. This is doctor B a real Robert dr. B was I podcast, very powerful, very real podcast that comes to you on a regular basis with information and I am joined by my lovely cohost.
2 (50s):
Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. Thanks for coming to board. Thank you. I appreciate it.
1 (55s):
How people can, how can people reach him at them?
2 (57s):
I am at <inaudible> dot com is my site. You can email me there as well as a read our blogs, and there’s so much there to review there’s videos. There’s meditation sessions on there, and a soon to be a lot more. So please be sure to join us on CIT sip chat.com.
1 (1m 18s):
I’m so glad you can come here and talk about your great website. Your website is good. Thank you so much. Excellent job with it. So we’re very proud of you. Thank you. Well, the day’s topic, boys and girls, the power of role playing in your relationship. Okay. Now, why is role play important as a marriage? Counselor is important because you don’t role play. Some might get bored and you’re doing a same thing over and over again.
1 (1m 55s):
And some, or one of you may be an expert in flirting, usually the expert in flirting. And so you’re going to role play so you can use your gifts and your talents to keep it fresh and fresh and hot. There’s no room for an affair comment. Ms. Portia,
2 (2m 22s):
I think role play in my, the vision of doing parts work is very important because you get to see each other’s perspectives. So if I’m role playing, you kind of get to see where my brain
1 (2m 37s):
Yeah.
2 (2m 38s):
Is channeling the words that you say and your, your, your actions and, and all of that. So role play. Yes. Especially if you’re doing it with each other. Right. You know that I’m you and you you’re me. That’s pretty cool.
1 (2m 52s):
Yeah. Now, now roleplay can be very touchy if one of your Cray Cray, though. Okay. I’m sorry for people who don’t know what Craig Curry is, Cracker
2 (3m 8s):
Everyone. While you explain it, Craig
3 (3m 19s):
Y’all saw that, right?
1 (3m 21s):
That was not pushed upon us. Craig gray means crazy. All right. So if one of you are crazy, maybe roleplay may not work for you because if you go crazy, you will role play. What are you talking to like that? Hey, I was just role playing. Now you’re in role playing. You ain’t meant that my name is Saqueesha. Ooh, hula Queesha you know, all of a sudden, you know, it’s going down wrong play, but roleplay. I like what you said and let you see the perspective within are your main
2 (3m 53s):
Yeah. Unless you’re Macy, you’re there your perspective of them.
1 (3m 56s):
Right? Right, right. So, so really in, in role playing, we’re moving back and forth. And a lot of times, and this is why I role play as a, as a counselor works for me in my office is that roleplay makes you the third party for a while.
2 (4m 14s):
Exactly. It takes you a little bit. So it’s almost a part like it takes you out of yourself and to the perspective of the person that you have. But yet it’s a part that’s playing in that part. Right. And as the person, you get to view that part. Yeah.
1 (4m 29s):
Right. And a lot of times you may be able to talk to your wife. You may not be able to talk to your husband, but you can talk to Jerome.
2 (4m 39s):
Yeah. What was his name
1 (4m 45s):
To Lisa? I don’t know if you’re talking about <inaudible>. Yeah. So, so another time it’s, you know, I’m in a bad place right now. You’re just having fun. He’s having a whole lot of fun with that. All right. So, so, so really when you role play, you really, you know, but let me take myself out of myself so I can talk to my man.
2 (5m 13s):
So should we give them an example? Because maybe some people are saying, what, like, what are they talking about? What is role play,
1 (5m 20s):
Role play, for example is like, you both go to sliders. Okay. And a you’re going to tell her
2 (5m 29s):
Gliders as the spiders go, just say a restaurant.
1 (5m 32s):
Okay. There’s a restaurant. Okay. And let’s say, you know what? You go in there first and I’m gonna go in behind you. I’m going to pick you up and, and take you home. Something like that. So, so you role play all the way. You know how fun it is. It’s a lot of fun. It’s a lot of fun. We do it a lot ourselves, but we do a lot of songs
2 (5m 56s):
Or sometimes, or sometimes role play can be, if there’s an issue, roleplay, I think is most effective when there is an issue. Why is that? Because you can almost pretend like, you know what, so this is, do you want to give an example? Right? Do you want to give an example? Okay. So this is an example of rural play. You know, my guy told me the other day, say to you, can I really trust you to tell you that?
1 (6m 30s):
I won’t tell him, even though he’s my best friend, I won’t tell him
2 (6m 33s):
He had the nerve to tell me,
1 (6m 36s):
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right. He said that, he said that, do you know why he may have said that? D do what worries me?
2 (6m 44s):
I’m not sure. I’m not sure. And before I go to him with it, I just kind of want to see where he was coming from. Like, what do you think his perspective was?
1 (6m 52s):
Okay. You know what I will, you know, before he talked to you, he had a very bad day and there was some layoffs at his job and it really affected him. And so he didn’t want to say anything to you, but you know your guy every now and then he’s kind of a hot, you know,
2 (7m 12s):
You know what? You stay off of him because he’s my man. And you let me be the judge, the judge.
1 (7m 17s):
Now you’re calling me for hell nah, that’s role play.
2 (7m 23s):
But that made me understand. So now I can go to him with a little more compassion. And the part of love of me that is filled with something that yes, that is filled with something else for him, rather than coming at him, as I say, okay, so end of role play in a role play. So role play can be very effective when you have, when you have two people that understand it and can play it. We role play. We don’t do it all the time. But sometimes when there is an issue, I’ll say, can I talk to the counselor for a second?
2 (7m 54s):
Because I really need to sit down and talk to him or he’ll say, you know, what can I speak to my girlfriend? And not the fiance?
1 (8m 2s):
Yeah, no. Cause the fiance and girlfriend are two different people. <inaudible> as people stuff, I don’t know where the girlfriend she’s more laid back, you know, the girlfriend’s trying to get to the fiance area. So yes. Alright. The fiance <inaudible> controlling, you know, changing seats and make sure this is behind you.
1 (8m 33s):
And where’s the cover for this that, you know, the girlfriend is, you know, I just want to be next to you. I shouldn’t look into your eyes. I love you. Just want to hug you. Could I get a kid? That’s the difference.
2 (8m 48s):
Yeah. And so, and so sometimes he’ll say, can I just have my girlfriend today? And I’ll be like, you know what? Yeah, yeah. And I’m like, I need my crazy boyfriend. Like where is he in there? Like, so it’s like different role plan, different voices. I think what was,
1 (9m 3s):
Because the difference of the levels of relationship and being safe on either side feels like they have a little bit more ownership of the other person that that’s that’s, that’s, that’s definitely it because she’s won. She’s she’s one step closer to being the wife.
2 (9m 19s):
God, what is that gonna look like?
1 (9m 24s):
As opposed to, Hey, I want a on
2 (9m 26s):
Give up, give a, as, as in parts where we’ll say, we’re going to give you this moment. We hold space and time for you for that moment
1 (9m 39s):
From the girlfriend, who’s just getting on the scene and is trying to figure out whether she wants to wear the, as they say with the lease to buy,
2 (9m 48s):
Girlfriend’s always the fun one. And, and or the boyfriend they’re, they’re always fun. They’re always like, just so,
1 (9m 54s):
Okay. This is my point that we said earlier. That’s why we role play is great because it takes you in between the two, the point. Now let me let Kim line clear up. This is very important for parents. Very important, because what I’ve seen in counseling, even even more own personal life is that when, when, when the parents become parents, they don’t know how to become lovers no more. Right. And their depth about how to be husband, wife. All right.
1 (10m 24s):
They’ll just full time parents. And so you lose that aura. You, you, you lose that spontaneity spontaneous.
2 (10m 37s):
That’s it spontaneity. It doesn’t matter.
1 (10m 43s):
I was, I was on a roll. And did they correct me anyway? I need to correct you. That spon spontaneity outside is a cousin, cousin, cinema spontaneity is going away because now you’re a parent. You smell like feces. You smell like vomit. You’re tired. You know? So that’s why role play keeps you watches from even believe it or not. I’m having affairs real raw with dr.
1 (11m 18s):
V is brought to you by the total relationship trainer, a ministry of restoration Springs, interdenominational church, Hosea four six says our people die for a lack of knowledge to that end. Dr. B has written 24 nationally published books on relationships, intimacy and theology. You can check out his library at dr. T C brentley.com backslash bookstore. If you or a loved one are in a difficult season in your life, marriage or personal situation, you can reach out to
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Doctor B at area code (203) 753-7377 or via email at dr. B is real@gmail.com. That’s D R B I S R E a l@gmail.com. Now back to your virtual relationship counselor, here’s more of dr. B
1 (12m 20s):
You know what a fare is, okay. When you boil it down to it, it’s all the person trying to spark the fire that was lost. Okay. If you really boil it down to art, they did a survey of, of people of the people of the night. And all the women said most of the guys wanted to talk first before they did the, the illicit act. And most of them talked about, I miss my wife, I miss my learn lover.
1 (12m 53s):
And so instead of them talking to the wife, they find someone outside.
2 (12m 58s):
That’s why role play is important. You know what? I will never forget. One day I was at Stratford Ramada in Stratford, Connecticut before a comedy show. And there was this guy sitting at the bar. He was a white guy with long hair, long beard. And of course it was Moses. I was sitting, I was sitting right. I was sitting down and he came to sit next to me and he’s like weeping, weeping. And I’m like, you know me with my heart, I’m just wrong.
2 (13m 30s):
I’m like, you know what, whatever this guy needs, I’ll pay for it. You know? And so he goes, Oh my God. And no one has ever done that to me before. And so he, we get to talking and he tells me, you know, why I got a divorce? And I’m like, no, why? He said over a back robe, he just wanted a BackRub. And that request for a BackRub escalated into all the things that she then wife needed and wanted. She was an at home mom. She, and, and she was like, and you need a BackRub.
2 (14m 3s):
Well, that thing escalated. So horrifically, they ended up in divorce. Of course he took, she took every, you know, everything and whatever. And this guy is just weeping some five to seven years later over that lost love over a
1 (14m 19s):
Yeah. Yeah. So that right there, it’s the smallest thing someone could have played on your Massoud today.
2 (14m 26s):
Right? Can you be my most today? My client.
1 (14m 37s):
Oh, so husband lives. That would work. That would work. That would work. But because again, believe it or not. Why do people love movies? Okay. Okay. Let’s go deep. Why do people love movies? Cause he loved the imagination. The light come off like the escapism. Alright. So when you are role playing with your, your wife or your significant other, you are imagining, you know, what would another place, another time we’re escaping from where we are to where we want to go.
1 (15m 8s):
One thing people fail to understand dreams are free. You know, that your imagination is free. It’s just you getting into that place to dream again. And when you’re not dreaming again and you’re not role-playing, then there’s a good possibility that you are slowly sabotage.
2 (15m 27s):
Yeah. But you also want to dream well and keep one foot on the ground. But you know, you want to be in a part of reality as well. But I, I, my heart and my compassion was so full for him. And you know, you know, of course, you know, thank God the, hopefully the parts were moving some year that this was, this was a story 20 years ago. But I remember this guy and I’m like over a BackRub and you know, I just, I just couldn’t fathom. And it just reminds me, you know, as we’ve talked about before, listened to your son, listen to your man, like just listen.
2 (16m 0s):
Like sometimes women just listen. It doesn’t have to be all about our needs and wants, because guess what? We’re going to get our fulfillment from maybe that negative support system that we have in our corner or that positive support system that we have. But men don’t men don’t always have that or feel vulnerable or comfortable enough that they can even have now a locker room talk.
1 (16m 25s):
Now we’re talking now we’re talking vulnerability. Okay. Okay. There’s a little extension from role playing. When I role play, sometimes I got to be vulnerable. I have to say things that I, I could not say in first person, but like say in third person, because now you hear me people I’m letting out the pain and one thing, and y’all one thing church folks do not like to do is be real.
1 (16m 56s):
Oh my God. They don’t like to tell the two. And we don’t the other two, you’re going to find yourself in problem. And a lot of couples don’t want to be vulnerable. So by role playing, I can say, you know what? Like we did a while ago, give a different name and just share your heart. And if your partner goes into roleplay, go with them. I want to play no game with you.
2 (17m 25s):
But more times than not, when you go into roleplay and this is with everyone, even with kids, because we do, I do with parts work. When you go into the parts of the role of different roles, you’ll begin to see that part or that person as he or she, well, you know what he did say that, or, you know what? I did see something in him, you will start speaking to that person in a different light. So that it’s all about seeing the perspectives
1 (17m 52s):
Of that’s all. It’s about. That’s a very good point. Okay.
2 (17m 54s):
It’s a very vivid perspective that you could actually see, you know, when, when you apply yourself to it. Right, right.
1 (18m 4s):
I liked that word perspectives because when you give a perspective and not only give okay. Gills and the back part of giving is also here because when you just giving a perspective and it’s not being heard here, okay, you’re not going to be, you’re not gonna do well at all. It’s can I get the whole spectrum of what’s going on? Can I get the whole, the whole kit and caboodle, approximate, not wrong, but let me hear the whole story.
1 (18m 36s):
Because when I heard the whole story, now I can see where you’re coming from. But a lot of the reason why a lot of couples are don’t do well because they don’t hear the whole story.
2 (18m 46s):
And you know what? Yes. Ma’am like I say, you know, in parts work, we don’t need to hear the whole story. Put your compassion upfront. That’s good. Put your kindness upfront. Like you’re forgiving this upfront, especially when it’s coming to your mate, your listening ear in the forefront. You don’t need to know the whole story to understand where that person is coming from or to see the, the, you know, the gist of where that person’s coming from. Right? If you use a little compassion, a little, a little practice, virtue, each other, you know, like make it a day today, you know, it’s gonna be, you know, kindness, Saturday or something joyful Sunday, or, you know, just make a day of it.
1 (19m 34s):
Well, well, that’s why to really role play. You gotta spend time people, you gotta have date night. Okay. You, you, you gotta spend time where it’s just you and I alone. And we’re talking we’re role playing where we’re going back in time, where we’re going back in memories. You know why? Because we’re trying to keep the thing fresh. We try to get, do things good by doing that. It makes us a better person down the road.
2 (20m 3s):
Yeah. Role play is fun. Role Pitt role play is effective. Yeah. And you get to see your persons, you know, your mates perspective. Yeah. Which is very vital.
1 (20m 17s):
And you’d be surprised when you role play was in that woman. Brothers went grain.
2 (20m 22s):
You will be surprised when you role play was in that man.
1 (20m 27s):
I’m talking about the women, right.
2 (20m 30s):
We’ll be also surprised. And what’s in that man. You know,
1 (20m 34s):
A lot of times you don’t know what’s in there because again, we’re so stuck on our mom and I’m dad and I’m this and I’m done
2 (20m 43s):
Me, me, me, Oh my God, me, me, me, what I want, what I need. Well, you didn’t do this.
1 (20m 55s):
Dr. B has chosen to devote his life to saving the institution of marriage in his book, successful marriages for successful men. He gives them the knowledge to be relationship ready, check it out. My ignorance in my first marriage was definitely Sean and I learned the hard way. And that’s one of the reasons why I write so many books on relationships and because no one taught me and I learned the hard way. And it is my heart to help men, especially not learn the hard way.
1 (21m 26s):
So this is successful. Marriage is for successful men, guaranteed. I guarantee you, this will improve your relationship. Purchases can be made at the bookstore at dr. TC brentley.com. And they can also be purchased@amazonandbarnesandnoble.com. And now here’s more of dr. V in corporate America or in your workplace, you always role playing, right? You always play role playing, be honest, right? You working with somebody you’re doing something you’re always role playing.
1 (22m 1s):
You know, you’re trying to get the, the book from the customer. So you know what, whatever the customer needs, you know what I’m going to role play. I’m going to be nice, whatever. So I like what you say, you know, what, can we just start off with kindness? Right?
2 (22m 16s):
I like to say this in the, yeah, go ahead. I’m sorry. I like to say this in the workplace when you’re professional. So when you bring compassion into your relationship, all the other stuff kind of dwindles. So when you bring professionalism, everything else sort of dissipates because now you’re in the role of professionalism and the workplace. Although the other stuff, the MES eyes, the westerns it’s work mode is to do. You’re being professional. All the energies of what you need, want desire dissipates for time until it’s time for those parts to come back in the same with your relationship.
2 (22m 54s):
And you put a little, this much compassion and about this much step back of me, me, me bless you. Then a lot of this other stuff, testing dissipates.
1 (23m 8s):
Yeah. Because again, in the role playing washes. Okay. Okay. Role wide role play powerful because it makes you stop and restart
2 (23m 22s):
And it puts you, it puts you in someone else’s shoes.
1 (23m 26s):
That’s exactly what it does. Because a lot of times we’ll just go with our emotions. We’ll, we’ll go with our feelings and sometimes you just gotta stop. So you know what, let me stop. Let me recalibrate. Let me rethink the thing and then go from there. Cause when you do that, it changes everything. Right? It changes. But again, it’s not now to roleplay. Yes. Yes, Henry. Yes. We have a, we have a comment. All right. What’s the climate. Okay.
1 (23m 56s):
He lasts three times. It got to be one of your people.
2 (24m 3s):
Oh, okay.
1 (24m 8s):
Role play, like willing Jadah and have an entanglement.
2 (24m 12s):
Oh my God.
1 (24m 17s):
Alright. Yeah.
2 (24m 17s):
No I haven’t entanglement with yeah. With the person. Yeah. You can role play in and have an,
1 (24m 23s):
You can role play, but make sure that person is invisible.
2 (24m 27s):
What the person can have an affair with the person that
1 (24m 32s):
Matter of fact, one of my chapters of my book is having an affair with your spouse. And I do believe you, you can do that. So yes, you can role play that. But again, the role plays on between you and another person.
2 (24m 46s):
Okay. So I’m going to jump in fiance mode. You know how many women are waiting to like line up to be with this guy on our wedding day. And yes, there’s a Jamaican charm. There’s a, there’s all types of role play that. Like we’re ready to me and all my parts. Oh yeah. And it’s going to be fun and he better be ready. He’s got a lot of energy.
2 (25m 16s):
I will be ready. EAP. When you see him sitting down on like one of the Sundays or something, he’ll be like, Henry, just take over. You’ll know why.
1 (25m 25s):
Yes, sir. That’s comment. That was it. Okay. I can’t wait.
2 (25m 32s):
Okay.
1 (25m 33s):
So, so again, okay. You got me all messed up now getting cocaine thing now, are you happy now? I can’t. Even now can’t be thinking about it.
2 (25m 46s):
Okay.
1 (25m 48s):
Yeah. So yeah. Yeah. So, so really a husband and wife,
2 (25m 56s):
He or she can become another person.
1 (25m 58s):
<inaudible> and I’m also a sex coach as well. Sometimes I’ll tell the wife get a different wig. How about come on with a red wig and, and now watch out for the blue wig. All right. Why don’t the, the blue wig is, you know, come with accents. You’re going to Jamaica. She comes all over. That will
2 (26m 22s):
Like whatever his fantasy is. It has to be like something fun that his fantasy would be, you know? So,
1 (26m 28s):
Oh yeah. Yeah. Fantasy. I tell my couples every now and then to go VIP on the field trip, you know, VIP is, VIP is very intimate pleasure is where couples can have fun. Husband would come home. Yeah.
2 (26m 45s):
Yeah. That’s kind of like roleplay when you go into VIP because they have like all the costumes. Yeah,
1 (26m 49s):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can like what roleplay does is, well, who asked that question anyway? Don’t tell me, don’t tell me when you see the replay. Okay. Okay. Let’s start with an M. No. Okay. Okay. The bottom line is no rope. It does also does it relieves stress because you’re not washes. So I’m a mom, dad, I’m going to count it. I’m this I’m that I’m this and that role play no role play. Does it takes those a was we’re looking for, it takes those responsibilities off and you can be that role along.
1 (27m 26s):
You’re not, you don’t know how powerful it is. Yes. You’re putting in that wall. That takes so much. Listen. When I married this woman, August 29, Lord Jesus, father, Abraham. I ain’t going to say,
2 (27m 41s):
Is there a guy named Horaldo in there around him?
1 (27m 44s):
You will see Geraldo. <inaudible> you’re going to see, you’re going to see all around there. You’re going to see all those pods in jesus’ name. Amen. But again, it relieves the stress and a lot of times couples are in the bad place because they are with a lot of stress. So hopefully you enjoy that.
2 (28m 11s):
That’s fun. Did you guys like that? Yeah. Try it. Try it. You’ll like it.
1 (28m 16s):
You like it, are you sure? They’ll like it? Sure. Okay. And, and guys, please, don’t ask your wife to be Vivica Fox when you look like Stanford and son. All right. That, that, that, that, that does not work. Okay.
2 (28m 34s):
Okay.
1 (28m 34s):
All right. How do people reach you? Ma’am
2 (28m 37s):
Okay. You can reach me on my website. <inaudible> dot com. You can email me there. There, you can sign up and subscribe. You can read blogs there. I’m there all the time blogging and with my coach, Porsche isms and Porsche isn’t
1 (28m 55s):
Do you have any off the top of your head? Any pause?
2 (28m 59s):
Yeah. Parts work is like surgery. Okay. So you’ll read the rest of it on there, but yeah, it’s very powerful stuff. Blogs about our parts and maturing parts and all of that. And I write them myself. They don’t come from anywhere else. So no, no ghost writing. They, I write them and paste them on myself. So you guys should be able to enjoy that as well.
1 (29m 23s):
WW dot dr. TC brantley.com. You can reach me (203) 753-7377. Thank you again for joining us. Thank you. We have you come on. I’ll give you three or four weeks old. Thank you very much. Okay. Thank you. Alright. And then just one sec. No. Alright.
0 (29m 43s):
Oh, alright. People will tell next time. Thank you for tuning into real roll with dr. B. This show is a product of the total relationship trainer, a ministry of restoration Springs into denominational church. If you have any questions, comments, or topics to be discussed contact at dr. B is real@gmail.com.
0 (30m 13s):
If you’d like to hear the show again, you can go to the real world with dr. B Facebook feed. If you are being led to give and want to partner with us, donations are accepted via cash app at dollar sign RSIC 1997. We also accept donations via PayPal at new rest, one twenty@yahoo.com for donations of $25 or more, we will send you an autographed copy of one of his books. For more information about dr. B, you can check him out at dr.
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TC brentley.com or on Twitter at coach TC Brantley and on Instagram at dr. Brentley PhD until next time be encouraged and to God be the glory.
