Transcript – Coach and Counselor – Single Mom Raising a Son
Transcript – Coach and Counselor – Single Mom Raising a Son
0 (1s):
Welcome to real raw with dr. B this nationally published author and pastor has made it his life’s work to helping people strengthen their relationship with God themselves and each other with 25 years as a licensed counselor, coupled with his own life experiences with the ups and downs of married and single life. It’s like having a counseling session right in your own home. So without any further ado, it’s time for real roar with dr. B.
1 (32s):
Well, look in here. Look at here. Look at here. Oh my goodness. This is our dr. B. I have my lovely, I only have one cohost and she’s a lovely, beautiful Porsche. Thank you. Thanks for that. Thanks for coming again. Thank you for having me tell people how they can get to your, get to you. How did they contact with you strictly your brand new website?
2 (58s):
Sure. Yes, the website has been reinvented as you can reach that at sit sip, chat.com and it is up and ready to go for you. Blogs there, you can subscribe there.
1 (1m 14s):
How many times did you, is it daily or
2 (1m 17s):
I try to blog as often as I can, but there are several blogs there. There’s a few videos. They’re intro videos about the site and about the community that we’ve created for the people. Even a doctor, be the coach and the counselor are on as a product. So if you want to us as a product, you can definitely do that. We have a few clients under that and that’s pretty cool. Okay.
1 (1m 45s):
And you mean a project? You mean if products, products or products mean
2 (1m 52s):
There’s a coach in the counselor product?
1 (1m 55s):
I won’t be with that. I was out for sale. Make sure you get that right. I’m not in that. Devil’s been there. You know what I’m saying? Okay.
2 (2m 6s):
There is a coach and the counselor product where people could obtain us a USDA counselor, obviously me as a coach. And how that sort of works together is that this is your main guy here as the counselor, especially if you’re, you know, obviously relationship or family or so one on one counseling, but you could also do heart’s work in the midst of counseling. It works a little hand in hand. I let, I usually let the counselor take place. And when, as I see parts coming up, we address those parts and we deal with those parts.
2 (2m 41s):
And there’s also freebies under that because I also do side work parts on those people that obtain the packages through the coach and the counselor sites. So through the co the coach and the counselor product, now those sell actually go through him. So you’ll be dealing with him for the price
1 (3m 3s):
On the money, man. Yeah, he’s the money that pays me,
2 (3m 7s):
Somebody guy, but there are sessions on the side freebies for that. Be sure to take advantage of our no part left behind program, if you cannot afford coaching.
1 (3m 21s):
Okay. And what’s the website again,
2 (3m 23s):
Sit sip, chat that come
1 (3m 27s):
Sip, chat.com. Okay. And can they also schedule on your website too?
2 (3m 37s):
I can schedule on my website right now, probably for July. I don’t know how much more is available, but maybe look into August to see. So coaching takes a little bit of time. So we, we, you know, use time for, for the, the sessions, which are usually in the evenings or on Saturdays or Sundays. So they’re definitely in blocks of time. So right now I think I’m into August. Great. Great.
1 (4m 5s):
And I just want people to know how they can reach you and stuff like that. Yeah, go ahead.
2 (4m 10s):
Oh, yes. It’s snapchat.com. There’s there’s also an email subscription form. There you can email me directly. I will get, I will get notified. As soon as you email, you can also subscribe there. You can also subscribe under the sit sip and chat to blogs. So make sure you do that. You can also link me through that as well.
1 (4m 32s):
Okay. Again, people would probably be wondering why are you giving her so much information? Cause she has a lot to give. So we want to make sure that people can reach you and you know that you have a great website and it can help a lot of people along the way. So we’ll make sure that it’s done.
2 (4m 49s):
Thank you. Thank you so much.
1 (4m 51s):
All right. So today’s subject is raising a single mom, raising a boy. Okay. Okay. And maybe next section we’ll do a single dad raising a girl maybe, but this is really common. A lot where the single mom she’s single. The dad is not there for various reasons. Sometimes divorced, sometimes just moved on sometimes sperm donor.
1 (5m 24s):
Okay. And so the mom is left alone to be mom and a dad. So now I’m gonna come out and say that I really think that a dad is needed to raise the boy. Mom can do all she can do, but it’s still important to have that male image in, in the boy’s life. Agree, disagree.
2 (5m 50s):
I very much agree with that from my personal experience through myself and as well with dealing with a lot of children and parents, I find the most success when number one, a father rares, either child, son, or daughter, and or when the mother and the father are in the lives.
2 (6m 20s):
Even if you’re right, Henry, even if
1 (6m 26s):
I ain’t see Henry,
2 (6m 27s):
Even if they’re they’re raring, SEP, you know, in separate places, I find the most success of the child is with both parents or, or with a father, a good father raring the children himself.
1 (6m 46s):
Yeah. The opinion and not it’s a woman
2 (6m 48s):
Opinion. It’s my study is it’s a, it’s a study. It’s it’s me taking note of that and studying and studying that as well. So over the past decades, because I do have a son who is 24
1 (7m 3s):
Versus so son, I’m sorry, very successful son. He’s doing that. Right.
2 (7m 7s):
Thank you. At the end, he was a child that had both parents in his life. He spent as equal time with his father and uncles as he did with myself. And I know that if it wasn’t for the father and the village of men, he had in his life from, you know, his coaches on, through high school and as well through college, he would not be as successful that has, I, you know, they always say, Oh, the mother, you know this and that, that’s very little to do with me.
2 (7m 39s):
It’s it’s, it’s the careful approach with who and whom I let him in his life. Okay. So I say, it takes a village to rear a son, you know, between good coaches, good mentors, male mentors. And, and of course they need, they men, young, young men raring need a good nurturer in their lives as well. Be it a mother, an aunt, a godmother, whatever have you. He does need that. Off-balance but he definitely needs his phone.
1 (8m 11s):
But since we’re talking about a single moms raising a boy, I hear what you’re saying. And you had the stats, you know, for, for that single mom who doesn’t have the guy and the boys life at all, from my opinion is understanding your approach to this meaning, you know, you may be mad at the father. You may be mad at the person who’s supposed to be there and he’s not for whatever reason may be. So it’s your approach because as you talk to the son, all of a sudden, as you talk about his father as how he’s going to be received as how he’s going to, to process what’s going on.
1 (8m 53s):
And so many times I’ve seen where,
0 (8m 57s):
Because the mom is so mad at the fathers. So discussing girl left me, I ride my bike. I know he was sleeping with all that stuff. The child is hearing that. Now it may be fat. What you’re saying, mom, but is that really going to help the child? In my opinion, the answer is no, because he’s already dealing with abandonment issues. Real raw with dr. B is brought to you by the total relationship trainer, a ministry of restoration Springs, interdenominational church, Hosea four, six says our people die for a lack of knowledge to that end.
0 (9m 35s):
Dr. V has written 24 nationally published books on relationships, intimacy and theology. You can check out his library at dr. T C brentley.com backslash bookstore, if you or a loved one are in a difficult season in your life, marriage or personal situation, you can reach out to dr. B at area code (203) 753-7377 or via email at dr.
0 (10m 6s):
B is real@gmail.com. That’s D R B I S R E a l@gmail.com. Now back to your virtual relationship counselor, here’s more of dr. V
2 (10m 21s):
A good mother. Sometimes there are those circumstances and I’m trying to be very careful, okay. There are those circumstances, like I said, a good mentor for your son is very vital. And I’m not talking about all the men that you, that may be coming in and out of the house, because I know I see a lot of single mothers that, you know, because they need and they want
0 (10m 48s):
Right. And that’s not helpful either.
2 (10m 51s):
It it’s not. Let me tell you something. When you see when the child sees that this is where disrespect comes in, because a lot of times, and this is probably varying way off, but a lot of times that child is seeing all this attention to the, to the men or to the man. And not enough attention to himself.
0 (11m 11s):
We’re talking about the mom is having different lovers coming in and out of her bedroom. And the son has seen that. Right.
2 (11m 18s):
And even though we’re talking about raring a son, I mean, your son, our sons watch, and they notice everything that girls, that girls will probably never see. Right? They listen, they hear, they listen through the vents. I remember I remembered there was a time through the vents.
0 (11m 37s):
Well, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta CIA sun in there. Like he lives in events here. You do. Wow.
2 (11m 44s):
So, so sons are very, they’re very they’re little men, right? So just, you know, just think of it as that as big and specific as, as big men are. Right. So is that grooming inside of your son? Sure. So, you know, this is probably getting a little far off topic, but I’m thinking of thing women that I deal with, and this is on every level from, from the very corporate woman, making six figures to the woman that has nothing, I see the same type of thing going on.
2 (12m 17s):
Right. So, you know, the, the woman is always seeking something else. Instead of being a mother, a lot of times, and the child and the children are left, you know, by the way I coach a lot of children, this is how I know this. I coach a lot of children.
1 (12m 33s):
Well, from the perspective of the child of what he or she. Okay.
2 (12m 37s):
So, so the children, they’re always, they’re always looking and vying for the attention really of the mom godly of, of, of, of, you know, whatever parents are involved. But since we’re talking about the mother, especially a son, he’s always fighting for the cheerleader and the mom that the, the, the, you did very well today. And not just you yoking the boy up in his neck and making them be, you know, taking out the garbage and all of that stuff.
1 (13m 7s):
Well, well, he does need to learn something.
2 (13m 9s):
Right. But don’t, but, well, my thing, we had this conversation before, don’t always link your sons to taken out the garbage, because the garbage smells instincts. And he’s going to question, why do I always have to do that?
1 (13m 20s):
Well, again, that’s where I’m, I’m a little old fashioned. That again, when you have a single mom, okay. Back up single moms who are not running a hotel in your room, let me applaud you having balanced. Yeah.
2 (13m 37s):
That’s true. Those that do sacrifice, maybe that could also be a topic.
1 (13m 41s):
You are sacrificing your happiness to make sure that child is covered. All right, because let’s go a little deeper. Some men do not date women for the woman. Sometimes men date men to get close to that boy
2 (14m 2s):
Pedophiles. And that’s what I’m saying. You have to be so careful with, with who you’re, who you are allowing to mentor, research, your mentors, those that are, that are involved, you know, with, with your children.
1 (14m 16s):
My, my, my, my thing, single mom is that, you know, I believe God had put God, don’t put more on you than you can bear, but we gotta use wisdom. Okay. And the wisdom is right, because I’m a single mom. Now, again, it doesn’t make you a prisoner at the same time either. I want you to think you were a prisoner. I can’t live my life for the next 18 years. I’m not saying that at all, but you got to use wisdom and how I’m going to raise right. This young man, how am I going to protect them?
1 (14m 46s):
Especially with all the things that can happen. Black on black crime lives matters issues. I mean, all these things are coming in. So it’s, it is really God give me wisdom that what I’m going through, you know, is going to help this young boy. Because again, I didn’t say it. And I’ll say again, hopefully you can speak to this, that Charles dealing with abandonment issues. I mean, this young man is saying, wait a minute, he’s at the st. Jude and tell us, I have a, you know, God forbid, I’m named after him and he’s not here.
1 (15m 21s):
Why? And that will affect the child down the road. That, that, that will put, we’ll see, you’re talking,
2 (15m 30s):
We’re talking about single mothers. Now you have to dig into that single mother and see why that person, that father is not a part of that go mother. A lot of times, is it the mother that’s pushing the man out.
1 (15m 44s):
Let’s go on the point that this single mom did everything right. And the guy left. All right. Cause you advocate for the male.
2 (15m 51s):
I am an advocate for the male. I really am.
1 (15m 55s):
The milker jumped the phone and still say, he didn’t do nothing wrong. I know he jumped that move away. He didn’t do nothing wrong
2 (16m 3s):
Because I see a lot. And I hear a lot of stories. And you know what? A lot of people that I see in the bars, the, a lot of the men who are drinking themselves and drugging themselves to death, it’s over love. It’s over them. Not being able to see their child over some of those very intimate things that we’re currently talking.
1 (16m 23s):
I, I understand. But again, and, and we’re very an office that we do here when coach Porsche, I don’t know why I sports. It goes
2 (16m 30s):
About their <inaudible>, but what do you want to hear? All the Flint? All the good stuff. Like sometimes it’s not. Sometimes
1 (16m 40s):
We understand, but again now, okay. Since you opened that door, I’m going to go to her. I don’t care how bad the mom is. I don’t care how despicable, how Jesuit Bellis that mom is. That should not drive that father away from his boy. But I don’t. I know it is sometimes I know it is. No, no, no. I can go back to this.
2 (17m 8s):
Sometimes women want to be taken care of. And sometimes they are looking for that man to do it. I love this state is running out.
1 (17m 17s):
I never understand. But still that diet does not take the responsibility of a man who said, you know what? I know I have that child. You know, what mean people that come to my office, women and men who follows abandoned them. The father was in not in a why not back to the part. There are, there are tires.
2 (17m 39s):
Was it a hit and run? You know, like a, hit it and get it a one and done <inaudible>
1 (17m 49s):
What was it? And
2 (17m 50s):
Two people are responsible,
1 (17m 52s):
But again, this is elaborate discussion, but you know what, to me, again, this is how I feel. There are consequences. You know, I got divorced, but I didn’t get divorced from my kids now. Yes, my kids were adult kids. But even if they were small kids that does not take away my responsibility to my children now, yes, the mom and dad or the sperm donor or whatever you want to call them. They’re not jiving. I guide that. But that man has to say, you know what, no matter what she has done to me, whether she’s pushing me out with a Mack truck, 18 Wheeler dynamited, I’m gonna do something to stay in contact with my kids.
1 (18m 31s):
That has to be.
2 (18m 32s):
But sometimes that is not possible with some, with some women is just not possible. They’re going to call the cops on these guys. They’re going to threaten them. That’s why you pay child support to be on their, on their terms and on their level. Sometimes it’s just not a fair game for these guys. So back to the subject that single women raring young men, those that are successful in doing that, I don’t think there are enough stories that come out and say, how do we do it?
2 (19m 4s):
Nine times out of 10, that child has had coaches and mentors and something in his life that attributed to him being successful. It was beyond that woman.
1 (19m 16s):
Okay. You have a go, you have a comment from, okay. Okay.
2 (19m 19s):
It was, it was, it was more than likely beyond that woman. I mean, my son is the greatest kid ever. You know, people look at me, people look at me as, Oh, you were a single mom. You know what? I really wasn’t. His father was in his life, even though at a certain point in my son’s life, we lived in different States. Now my son’s my son’s father. And I divorced, my son was a year and a half. My son doesn’t even remember us being together. You know? So he always knows two households. He always knows, you know, being seen being somewhere where someone wasn’t treating him as nice, you know, and, and me as a cherished mother of having him part time, of course I made every moment count because now I don’t have him every day of my life.
2 (20m 6s):
It was a cherished thing that I could have him every, every, you know, every other weekend and soaps, you know, so many days in the week, my son’s 24. I’ve only had him what, 12 years of his life basically. Right. Because we did the share thing. So those moments had to be cherished and they go by like that. Now women single women that do have the grace of that cherish it girls, because you can have, I was single going through this with my, with mine. I had the best time of my life. I had mother time and I also had my fun, wild, crazy Porsche times.
2 (20m 41s):
So I did so, so yet with a balance at the end of the day, you always have to go back in the shower. You’re, you know, you’re a mom. So I was very blessed with the sacred blessing of divorce. I was blessed with the sacred blessing of divorce as my son was, as my son was growing up. And did it yet have his challenges? Yes.
0 (21m 7s):
Dr. B has chosen to devote his life to saving the institution of marriage in his book, successful marriages for successful men. He gives them the knowledge to be relationship ready, check it out.
1 (21m 19s):
My ignorance in our first marriage was definitely Sean and I learned the hard way. And that’s one of the reasons why I write books on relationships because no one taught me and I learned the hard way, and it is my heart to help a man, especially not learn the hard way. So this is successful marriages for successful men, guaranteed. A guarantee of this will improve. The relationship
0 (21m 46s):
Purchases can be made at the bookstore at dr. TC brentley.com and they can also be purchased@amazonandbarnesandnoble.com. And now here’s more of dr. V
1 (22m 3s):
Again, one good point with raising a boy is that, you know what? You have all the word is, use it. You just, why would just send me, you have a team, you have a team working with you. Okay. Okay. Okay. So that a team that, you know what, let me find good male role models. Let me find a good ones that will guide them in the right direction. Again again, single mom, please don’t be pulling your hair out, please. Don’t be going crazy and wild and crazy on drugs and pills like crazy because now he don’t left me whether you caused it or not.
1 (22m 39s):
The bottom line is you have that son there. Excuse me. And your thing is that mission impossible Gibson and mission possible? Yes. Okay. Okay. Okay. I’m going to mission impossible movies. There’s always a team, right? As a team for this, right. As a guy to do this, and I gotta do that. And curling on, that’d be sexy. There’s a girl that does that, right? Because it’s a team that does the mission impossible. So for moms hit me loud and clear.
1 (23m 10s):
You may have a young man there that you raised in alone, but it may be a mission impossible, but get the right team around you a very positive approach. You said something the other day, you said so many powerful things. You said you can have a negative support system. That was very, I never thought about that before he had a nigga court system to deal with women too. Right?
2 (23m 34s):
When I was a very, very good, a very strong negative support system. There’s that before? Yeah. There’s, there’s different types of supports on that as well. I don’t want to, from this topic, but women, women could have a negative support system. I’ll try to link it into this while we’re talking about, as far as you know, it was a different topic, but yeah, I think people get that women could have a negative support system, right? You could have girls girlfriends behind you and you know, even, even mothers and you know, strong, very, I don’t want to say independent women because these women are really many times.
2 (24m 14s):
I have to be very careful because I am a woman too. You are a woman. Yes.
1 (24m 19s):
August. You are a woman. Yes you are.
2 (24m 23s):
But women and you know, women that give that negative support system are really leeches because they call each other to give that negative energy,
1 (24m 34s):
Which will go down to the child when they come back home
2 (24m 39s):
Because the children see all this manipulation going on. I think what we fail to realize as adults, parents is that these kids grow up and they grow up quickly. And you know what? A lot of them become wise at six, seven, eight, six, seven, eight. Trust me, your boys are seeing everything that’s going on. You’re seeing everything around you. Right? Those things that you’re telling them, no, go sit down. They’re paying extra attention. Right. That’s just, that’s just the male species.
2 (25m 9s):
Yeah.
1 (25m 10s):
Yeah. So, so, so, so really I think what I’m trying to say, and maybe parts you’re trying to say too as well, is that there’s those already negativities right? Coming your way, because you were raised in a single parent home, your job is let me bring in as much positive structure, alright. To my son. Let me bring a pot. Hold on. Helping somebody out there, a whole portion out of helping you out here. Let me bring a positive structure to my, to my boy.
1 (25m 43s):
In other words, here’s an iPad. I’ll see you in five hours. That’s not, you don’t know what that point is. Look it ma I thank you for the iPad. Can I do this again?
2 (25m 58s):
It’s boys, boys need a lot. And sometimes it women, if you have daughters, the daughters tend to drown out sons for whatever reason. So be careful with that. So I remember, so my, my brother is, you know, one of many, but in my household, there were three girls, which my mother was four, four, so four women to one son. And I remember my brother walking around with his shoes.
2 (26m 29s):
He was just walking on the back of his shoes because his foot had grown so quickly, nothing to my mother. But because we women, the girls aren’t growing as quickly. Good point. My mother didn’t realize a boy. You’re growing at a, at a fast rate of speed while the boy come and put his feet in his shoes until the point we used to say, you know, why are you walking on the back of your shoes? And he would never express himself as to say why can’t pull up the back of them. I mean, he was young, you know, until he S his foot started sliding out of the front.
2 (27m 3s):
And my mother was like, wait a minute, come here. I think it took my father to come down from Connecticut to South Carolina to say, the boy can’t fit his shoes or mothers that are trying to cram their side. Remember this too. You’re trying to cram your, your child’s foot into the shoe. And you’re getting mad at him because he cannot fit the shoe. And it’s like, it’s our responsibility to check them at all times. Even if you have to get a measuring stick, as to say, as to say, you know, just make sure you’re paying attention to your sons, because where your girls may be.
2 (27m 38s):
Like, our sons may not be as opinionated and voicey when it comes to their personal needs, they expect at a young age for that mom to already know what,
1 (27m 53s):
And, and, and again, that goes back towards you saying, is that that young man is noticing everything. He is noticing how mom is catering to this guy who may not be there. How is how’s <inaudible> how’s catering. So the daughters. Yeah. Yeah. So, so really, really our time has gone by already just that quick, you know, it’s really understanding is that let me, you know, find out what’s gonna be my team. Okay. And let me say this lastly, and we probably want to dive into this for four minutes left.
1 (28m 27s):
All right. I thank you very much is that your child, mom is still connected to you. Alright. And he loves you. So and so, because he’s connected to you, whatever you do to you, you’re going to do to him. So I’m a, I’m a real quick here. Cause my time is running out. If you’re on drugs, if you drunk, most of the time, that’s going to directly affect your son.
2 (28m 52s):
Well, don’t get me wrong. You need a little something to sip for these kids every now and again. So you don’t have to drink to drunk, but you might drink to take,
1 (28m 60s):
I did say I did say something.
2 (29m 4s):
Sometimes we need a little wine to handle these kids, even a good kid. I just need a little something. That’s all I’m saying.
1 (29m 10s):
I did say if you were drunk and high, that mother needs a little something that I say drunk. I said drunk. I didn’t say nothing. Okay.
2 (29m 24s):
I’m sure time’s the link.
1 (29m 26s):
Todd just ran out. Just say, listen, we can have a very powerful conversation without being personal. And I think that’s what we’re trying to show you. Oh yes. This is also my fiance. She as well. So you like doing that? Don’t you love doing that. Alright. But again, however things go on in your life. We’re also going to your son’s life too as well. All right. Our time is up. Can you tell people how to contact you again,
3 (29m 56s):
Sent to chat.com. You can reach me there. I’m on there all the time. Waiting for you guys to visit the site is made typically for you.
1 (30m 6s):
All right. And you can reach me. I’d www dr. TC brentley.com and the cars. You will hear more information through the executive producer, the one and only mr. Henan B enemy. God bless you until next time.
0 (30m 24s):
Thank you for tuning into real row with dr. B, this show is a product of the total relationship trainer, a ministry of restoration Springs into denominational church. If you have any questions, comments, or topics to be discussed contact at dr. B is real@gmail.com. If you’d like to hear this show again, you can go to the real role with dr. B Facebook page. If you are being led to give and want to partner with us, donations are accepted via cash app at dollar sign RSIC 1997.
0 (30m 59s):
We also accept donations via PayPal at new rest, one twenty@yahoo.com for donations of $25 or more, we will send you an autograph copy of one of his books. For more information about dr. B, you can check him out at dr. TC brentley.com or on Twitter at coach TC Brantley, and on Instagram at dr. Brantley PhD until next time be encouraged and to God be the glory.
