Transcript of Marriage and Sex 2
Transcript of Marriage and Sex 2
0 (1s):
Welcome to Real. Raw With Dr B this nationally published author and Pastor has made it his life’s work to helping people strengthened their relationship with God themselves and each other with 25 years as a licensed counselor, coupled with his own life experiences with the ups and downs of married and single life. It’s like having a counseling session right in your own home. So without any further ado, it’s time for Real Raw With Dr B. God bless everyone.
1 (34s):
This is dr. Brian Lee, along with my lovely wife, mrs. Portia. How you doing? Love? Good. How are you? I’ll also, we have on live good friends of ours. Pastor Warren and Annie Salley and you’re doing Warren Salley. Hey, how are you guys doing good? We’re doing well here. We’re honored. Honored to have you guys on we’re waiting for so Toya and we’re going to keep it real. And RAW this, this is our flyer, which is we’re talking about. Marriage a word Ministry Stress and Sex and a reason.
1 (1m 19s):
Keep it real Alavi discussion. We’re going to try not to overpower each other because all of us are very powerful speakers and we’re going to let each other have his time. So we’re trying to at first Annie and Warren could you play take about one minute to introduce yourself how long you’ve been married? Your Ministry about two minutes. Go. Okay. We are Warren and Annie Salley we’re here in Columbia, Maryland. We’ve been married for going on 32 years to get to get the years, right. I’ll I’ll Ministry is as the wake up call ministries and we, we authored now what?
1 (2m 6s):
Three books? Yes. All right. And you take it from this week and we have also pastored a church for 14 years in Orangeburg, South Carolina, last days, outreach ministries. Right. And I’m going to introduce myself, finish your mum. I’m sorry. Will you guys finished? Yes. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. My lovely wife. She’s the production manager behind the scene. Alright. And Portia and I have been married for total of two months.
1 (2m 52s):
Been married over almost too much. And we come with a plethora of information. I come my background
2 (3m 1s):
Of my first Marriage with things I’ve done wrong and it could have done better. With and God by his grace and mercy has given me a second chance and it gave me a Portia to do that. Amen. All right. And my wife has her own coaching point and I’ll let her talk about her coaching points and what they, it with me as well.
3 (3m 24s):
I’m known as the Sex sip and chats queen. I do parts work transformation coaching. My largest specialty is parts work, and I deal very heavily in grief coaching as well as just parts work coaching. So if you want to link to me and just visit, sit sip, chat.com and or you’ll find me on this guy’s page and our stuffing Annie and Warren Sally’s pages as well.
2 (3m 57s):
All right, we’re getting ready. We’re waiting for Latoya J but we’re going to go right into it again. This is a very important part of me about being REAL in Ministry or whether it’s Ministry outside of Ministry and how a lot of times couples do not know how to balance. So Warren Annie please give me what are your formulas in balancing Ministry work and also that goes with it. How do you guys balance that?
4 (4m 27s):
Well, we’ve actually been in Ministry as long as we’ve been married. So this is really been a part of who we are along with having a blended family and raising a family it’s been challenging. However, we try to make sure to do Marriage together and take time out for ourselves as well as for the family and try not to mix church. And Marriage, you know, a lot of people when they Pastor or church, or have a Ministry, they tend to burn out on one end, B at the Marriage or the church.
4 (5m 19s):
And we try to bring balance, you know, we do a lot of talking. First of all, communication is key, you know, because what I may be feeling Warren may not be feeling, you know, so we try to do lots of communication and, and just as mobile, and this is my wife said, you have to try to find
2 (5m 44s):
That sweet spot where yes ma’am Ministry is, is important, but how can we fix other people’s marriages, other people’s homes
4 (5m 56s):
When you go home in your own Marriage yeah. Or your children are in trouble. And, and so you got to find that that, that, that balance to where you’re not overdoing here and being less somewhere else. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely.
2 (6m 18s):
I think that’s a very important key. That’s what happened in my first marriage. And my job is to be very transparent cause we’re trying to help the next generation, whether Ministry Ministry Chung to very transparent. So I’m gonna talk and, and this is totally organic. God, you know, I have some points in my head, but it was totally organic. We’re not trying to Talal anybody. We want to be very real and transparent. So I’m gonna talk to my lovely wife. Portia when do you, when do you feel that we need to be more balanced each other versus I’m to visit with the church or to busy with my kids? When what is your indicator that, Hey, we need to be more connected in your opinion.
2 (7m 2s):
Well, number one, you do a really good job on, on keeping a great balance. So I haven’t really had a moment where we really had, where I really had to say that. I mean, we’re pretty, pretty early and, and dating. There were times in the beginning where I’m like, dude, you know, you’re, you’re moving a little bit too fast. You’re doing it a little bit too much, like less slow down, less, less, just breathe. Let’s breathe a few minutes. And you quickly pick that up. Maybe ask me a year or two from now. I may have a different response, but I can say this.
2 (7m 41s):
So being that you just had your knee surgery. Yes. I’m on new surgery. Yes, I did have to. Or I did have to ask you to please slow down and take time for yourself. She enjoyed that too. It was, she told me that. Yeah, it was just like you said, if you can’t be patient to heal yourself, you know, how are you gonna touch and heal others? So it’s preparing you now for the next phase, after the knee surgery getting to actually slow down. Right. So, so why do you think that people, whether they administer or not Ministry why do you think they so easily gravitate toward work versus home?
2 (8m 23s):
Why do you guys think that anybody can talk?
4 (8m 27s):
I personally think when there’s no peace at home, quite naturally, you’re going to find an outlet. You know, oftentimes my husband had shared with me, you know, the things that the guys bring to him and they’re running away from home because there is no piece. And personally, I believe that women, we set the climate for our homes, we set the climate. And so I personally tried to, if I can put things out of the way before my husband comes home, even if you know, I have counseling or someone that I’m ministering to, I try to schedule those times before he comes home, to give him my undivided attention, because we can feel if you’re not giving us your undivided attention and you can feel it as well.
4 (9m 24s):
You know, I’ll tell my husband in a heartbeat, you know, look at me when you’re talking to me. I like to see that you’re right there with me. You know, there you go, baby, just keep on looking and don’t be walking around doing other things. I, I need to know that I have your ear. That’s a good thing to feel that someone not only have your heart, but your ear. And then a lot of times, especially with, with men, we, we minister to the place of less resistance. Because if it, if that man and I will be reverent there and when I’m at home, it’s like on the devil.
4 (10m 12s):
I’m not, you know, I don’t feel like God is using me in my home. Then you go to go to the path of least resistance. Why it makes sense. Yeah.
2 (10m 24s):
I Latoya just joined the tweaking here is we’re talking years. Latoya all right. So you can hear us.
5 (10m 32s):
Yes. I muted myself.
2 (10m 36s):
All right. Thanks for joining us. Please quickly give us your background and about one minute and we’ll go right back into discussion. Latoya
5 (10m 44s):
Oh God bless everybody. I’m I’m Pastor Latoya J pastor of 300 church located in Newburgh, New York. My background is saved. Sanctified, filled with the Holy ghost glory. Be to God. I’m a recording artist. Shut down single out right now. Or did your retailers. So I am, I have been safe for about 20, 23 years of the Pentecostal faith and foundation. Hallelujah. Glory to God. I don’t know what it is. You want me to say about myself? I’m an aspiring author. I am a talk show. Host asked. What’s all your J right here on Facebook.
5 (11m 25s):
I’m a mother of three beautiful daughters. Yeah. I think that’s what I got for you.
2 (11m 30s):
Okay. Okay. Okay. So, so we were on the platform of, of a balanced and again, this is a free for all what are going to talk about Sergeant? Because again, we want to be real. We want to be Raw. We want to help people to be better in a relationship. So one thing that I found out, whether you administer it or not in Ministry is that sometimes when people come home, they wear that
1 (11m 54s):
Title or that role in their corporate or the Ministry life. And they’re bringing it home. And I know when I come home, I want to see Portia. I don’t want to see Coach Portia that you go, girl. I want to see Portia. And a lot of times we’re not careful we’ll hold on the role that we had on in our job. And we’re bringing home comments, somebody on that one as well,
5 (12m 23s):
Personally, I believe that the, the identities that we have created in the kingdom is not necessarily what God, what God created them to be. The preacher is still a man. The preacher is still a woman. The preacher is still a husband. A preacher is still a wife, but you have to know how to function in every area of your life. This is what being whole is about. I think we create these separate categories of who we are when in reality, you’re the whole person. You are, you are everything that God has created to be wrapped in one. You just need to know how to shift function. I’m not going to cook in the math room, but this is still my house,
1 (12m 60s):
Right.
5 (13m 1s):
It was going on somewhere, just not over here. And so I think that I was trying to separate everything is where it really messes it up. We should just be who we are naturally and allow ourselves to be fluid and function in the ways and the different ways in the diverse ways that God has gifted us to function. And we’ll get it right when we do it that way.
1 (13m 19s):
Okay, great. And then Warren or any comment on that?
4 (13m 27s):
I, I loved, I loved the way she stated that fact, because it’s, it’s easy to just continue to walk in that role and you know, we’re, role-playing just, as you know, Pastor said, and so we have to shift function. When we come home, my husband will tell me in a heartbeat. Now I don’t need you to analyze me. I need you to bring it down. You know, I’m not your client. And so we have to be mindful of that because we want that undivided attention. However, we want to be respected in our roles as husband and wife, we want to be respected in that role as well.
4 (14m 14s):
Yeah. You know, I don’t, I don’t minister to him. Like I minister to someone at church quite naturally, but I’m so Ministry and Marriage is my first Ministry and I have to be mindful of that. And I would love for people to keep that in your forefront, you know, be mindful of that. The God caught give us the gifts and the talents. And did he call us to do and be in function in the areas in which we are? Absolutely. But he’s also gifted and telling us to function as a unit of Marriage a marital unit. We still have to do that. Ministry as well. And oftentimes we get it mixed up. We
2 (14m 53s):
Are using some very powerful points and because a lot of times we’re not careful, and this is very key. We can become addicted to the Ministry or addicted to the job. And we’ll forget about, wait a minute. My addiction should not be with a job. It definitely be with God and devil with a spouse that I love without doing that. And then we cause a, a, a jacked up mutation. And I saw that and my own personal and I, and my first Marriage, there was a, a jacked up mutation, meaning I was more in love with the Ministry Malden, my wife more than my children. So that’s why, of course, I ended up in a divorce because my mutation was wrong. Does that make sense, anybody?
3 (15m 36s):
Hmm. So, so my question is probably a little backwards, but my question is what was going on there for you to be that way and the first time?
2 (15m 43s):
Well, and, and you don’t have to answer no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I want to answer that question and I’ll answer that again. Like the toy, I was born raised church of God in Christ, you know, you gotta be born in it, you know, all us all I knew. And so my mind, it was, if I take care of God’s business, God will take care of my business, but that’s not true. When, when I became a man, I didn’t understand that there was something that I had to do to my wife. Something had to do too much. I had to not minister, but it had to be a father to them, not a Pastor didn’t marry a Pastor they married what we got to do.
3 (16m 23s):
Yeah. And I think, I think a lot of times, because I’m not a surgical and I love saying that
2 (16m 30s):
She loves saying that a whole lot. Yeah. That’s all right.
3 (16m 32s):
Because I’m always on the outside, I’m always on the outside looking in. Right. And probably you’re on the outside, you’re on the outside of like, you know yeah. Looking into and, and I think the difference is that it’s so, it’s so true. What Latoya said about the roles. Like sometimes I think we forget though the role, it’s almost like the man wants to walk in that title all the time. And it’s like, like for me, I’m not paralegal. When I come home, I leave that nine to five at nine to five, you know? And then I become coaches some point, but then also I become the person that I need to be for myself.
3 (17m 16s):
And I think that’s, for me, a non church goer, who’s always defending spirit of truth. Right. You know, even against church folk and even against, you know, everyone who’s always judging the outsider, so to speak, you know, we’re always speaking from a place of truth. And for us, it was very humbling because it’s like, wow, here we are non churchgoers. We always have to forgive everyone. You know? So it’s a very humbling experience for us, which keeps us
2 (17m 51s):
On an even keel. Yeah. Let me, let me say, would you guys agree and disagree that your childhood background will affect your Marriage life and you agree disagree with that
6 (18m 7s):
100%?
2 (18m 9s):
Warren talk to me
6 (18m 13s):
For me when growing up with my, where my uncles, we were, we were taught to pretty much that to not say show emotion, but it always like man on me and you just being a punk. And, and so I like the tough sort of exterior about myself. It was almost like that movie invasion by the stances with a person, does it have any emotional, but not to that extent, but, and it even, I even brought that mentality when we were at first, it was hard for me to lead down into a voice.
6 (18m 57s):
I really felt, and my wife, it was just me, you know, she asked me those, those REAL kind of tough questions that I didn’t know how to answer because I didn’t have the right tools earlier. So I had to learn on the fly, which caused a lot of friction and I Marriage at first. So I had to, to, to kind of learn what a husband is and then your dad wasn’t in the home as well. No, not, yeah. Right.
2 (19m 27s):
Very good point.
4 (19m 31s):
Yes. For me, the very same thing when it comes to, I knew what it meant to be a wife. So I gravitate that well for my mom, I knew what my expectations was for my husband. I saw that with my dad. I didn’t see a lot of touch in kissing showing ear infection, you know, affection toward one another. However, you know, we, we find it other ways. I started my Harlequin romance novels. I saw it on television. And so I had a sense of what I wanted.
4 (20m 12s):
I just didn’t know how to get what I wanted. And early on, I would get angry because it wasn’t there. Little did I know the more I let go and show him who I really am and let him know what I need from, you know, that’s a, that’s a big thing. We don’t do that. And I’ll often say, honey, how am I doing? You know, what do you need from me?
6 (20m 39s):
Because you were looking for me to already have it built in.
4 (20m 42s):
Right. Because that’s what I was thought. And you were moving your hands like it,
2 (20m 50s):
But I didn’t really know how to answer or to rescue you. Right, right, right. You know, Latoya, before you add in, I think what Guests cause a lot of couples in trouble is when you assume, when you continue to assume my husband’s going to be there and my wife’s going to be there and you’re going to fail all the time. So, so, so hear me, those who are listening to me that, you know, Relationship never assume you gotta be very direct what exactly what you want, because if you don’t exactly what you want, you can get in trouble down the road. All right. I’ll try your, your comment about your background.
2 (21m 32s):
Go ahead, girl.
5 (21m 33s):
Okay. So first I want to speak to the role of the parent. And I think a lot of times we, as parents, we say we’re raising children. When we in fact should really reverse that and say, we’re raising future adults. And I think we spend so much time allowing children to be children as opposed to preparing them for the next 40, 50 years of their life. Because one to 18 is only 18 years, you know, should the Lord allow them to live to 70 years old? They need to be B pre-prepared for all of that. And I think it’s important that you get the necessary tools, because if you don’t, you go into adulthood unprepared and therefore everything you put your hands on there will be issues and concerns. Unless you do the work yourself to equip yourself.
5 (22m 14s):
I personally came from an exceedingly toxic background and I’m talking domestic violence. I’m talking about alcohol abuse, drug abuse, verbal abuse, financial abuse. And I had to make a decision as a young woman as to what I wanted in my life. And I always say this to people when I was a child, I had to take the life that was given to me. But as an adult, I have the power to create the life that I want. And so instead of me falling prey to what I saw into what was around me and using that as a crutch and an excuse to B and to behave badly, I decided to find a different way. And, and thanks be to God is really through Jesus Christ that I have a total different panoramic panoramic view of what life should look like.
5 (22m 56s):
But if I was, if I was to be what I saw out, it will be a belligerent loud black woman who was, who immaculates and condescends men and gets punched in her mouth for it and stays and buries her sorrows in drugs and alcohol. And then maybe some promiscuity every, every once in a while, like that’s what I would have become. And so
2 (23m 15s):
Even though,
5 (23m 16s):
Even though we know it will affect you, you still have to make a decision as you go into your adulthood. Will I be what I saw? Will I be what I never saw? Or will I be what I believe I can be?
2 (23m 28s):
This is so powerful. I hope people are. I mean, because again, whatever we see, if you do not make a change, you will reduplicate that process. Again,
0 (23m 43s):
Real Raw, With, Dr B is brought to you by the total Relationship trainer, a Ministry of restoration Springs into denominational church, Hosea four, six says our people die for a lack of knowledge to that end. Dr. B has written 24 nationally published books on relationships, intimacy and theology. You can check out his library@drtcbrantley.com backslash bookstore. If you, or a loved one are in a difficult season in your life Marriage or personal situation, you can reach out to dr.
0 (24m 21s):
b@areacodetwozerothreesevenfivethreeseventhreesevensevenorviaemailatdrbisrealatgmail.com. That’s Dr B I S R E a l@gmail.com. Now back to your virtual Relationship counselor, here’s more of dr. B.
1 (24m 44s):
When I got married at 21 years old, I was a Virgin and Warren so it was only two men here on the broadcast there. So are they on my mind? Was I been saying stuff and all this time, and I’m a Virgin. I want Sex I want out of it. And so I didn’t understand for a play. I didn’t understand romance Harlequin novel talking about girl. So I didn’t understand none of that at all. So that was a yes. Warren. I will just work for video. So really, because of what I was bringing into the relationship, it jacked me up, but again, we were sold and again, the enemy is very good.
1 (25m 35s):
Right? He’ll get you so into church, church, church, or your job, your job, your corporate job that you forgot. Wait a minute. If I don’t make myself nourished either by God through his word or by other positive points, I’m going to be self-insured and that’s what happened to me and my first Marriage. Nope. Okay. All right. So, so, so really y’all tell me how important Sex is and it matters. Somebody’s talked to me and be real cause you don’t, you know, I will, it’s extremely important. It’s extremely important. And it’s extremely important because it’s an act of worship. In my opinion, it’s an act of worship.
1 (26m 16s):
It is, it mirrors the intimacy that God has with the church. And therefore it gives God glory in a Marriage. I believe that Sex okay, let me put it like this. You can put water into a cup and contain it. But if it’s in an ocean, you can’t contain it everybody. And to me Sex is like the ocean. And it’s the only thing strong enough to contain it is Marriage. And I think that any time that you have six outside of Marriage put yourself and
5 (26m 44s):
That person in a very dangerous place in a, in a place of uncovering, I think the covenant of marriage and what is, what covers it, because it’s powerful. And if we will have more time teaching, teaching our men, the power of this seat and the power of what they carry and women, the power of their fluids and the power of what they carry churches would explode because when the family unit is stable, the church unit is stable. When the family unit is stable, the community is stable, right? And when it’s a family unit and stable, then the future is stable, right? And so I think that if we spent more time on, on teaching one that as opposed to don’t find a cake, don’t adult your rate and, and, and just draw people into the throws of curiosity, therefore throwing them into danger, as opposed to educating them.
5 (27m 27s):
And we will be doing so much better as the body of Christ, but it’s very, very important. And let me just say on behalf of the ladies, don’t think that y’all are the only one with a Sex Dr hello. God bless you. God has given us one. We just need hours fueled a little bit different. You just can’t walk past us. And we want to hop on you. Not all the time. Amen. But you’ve got to do a little bit more work, but we will give you exactly what you need. It might tie you out. But I think it’s very, very important to Bishop you Bishop. And I’m just going to say this, and then I’m done you Bishop, you taught me the power of connection, right? Connection before communication as a woman. For me, that seems backwards. It seems that we go and talk about this first. We gotta fix it all up and then we’re going to connect.
5 (28m 7s):
But you taught, you taught me the power of connection with a spouse, because that opens up a world of possibility. When you connect the openness and the vulnerability is what’s a blessing. And so I think that when we can have healthy sexuality in our marriages, we’re winning.
4 (28m 23s):
Yeah. We wrote a book. We wrote a book, be aware of the intimate seat snatchers. And so we talk about the levels of intimate seat and pass it through a year, hit it on the head. Hey, you going to have to prime the pump. You’re going to have to prime the pump. You can come look at it all nice, but you’re going to have to prime the pump. If you want to take us where we need to go. Okay. So we talk about emotional intimacy. We talk about physical intimacy because see, one day, regardless of whether we want to admit it or not, the physical intimacy may die down.
4 (29m 8s):
But if we have other levels of intimacy, we can still both there in a conversation, social and emotional intimacy, spiritual intimacy, we’re on one accord. You know, we can, we can talk about anything and just dry. And we can just, you know, I throw we’re, we’re talking spiritual intimacy. I’m talking about the goodness of a Lord and he’s throwing it back at me. And so guess what? When we get together for our physical intimacy, it’s my long, it takes on a whole new level because now we’re connecting all the way around. You know, I can get into social intimacy with him. We can watch a good movie. We can enjoy bowling. We can enjoy a nice wall.
4 (29m 49s):
And now your product, you put it into my love language, you pour it into me. And so now it’s going to take that physical intimacy to an another place or a real place. And that’s what we’ve been seeking. And that’s what we’re needing from one another. And I believe that’s why it’s a lot of infidelity out there because people are looking for a whole person, a whole Relationship. So they get a piece with Mayer piece with Salley piece, with Sue, and it still doesn’t make a whole, but if we can love each other totally and intimately around, then we, we can, we can have it here,
6 (30m 27s):
Right? Because it just as a Pastor flowers, it said having men and having the capacity to teach younger men, this have had I known about any of this. I didn’t know, intimacy. I thought intimacy was just, that’s just hop in the Bay. They get those done. I mean, there was no, it does.
4 (30m 50s):
No, no, we’re totally different. We’re totally deaf. And you guys are physical. We’re emotional beings. And so we’re going to have to, you’re going to have to go there with that. So if you’ve got to fake it for a minute, you got to go there to get us where we need to go out. And then, you know, everything’s going to be fine once you get us where we need to go. Because a lot of us, we walk away feeling unfulfilled and we do the same thing as men. We look for that. A lot of people are having emotional affairs and they’re not, it’s not physical. It’s just emotional because they have that connection with someone on the job, that person listened, that person pays attention to them.
4 (31m 36s):
And they’re actually committing adultery emotionally, not physically, but it eventually, it may end up being physically because he’s tapped into her or she’s tapped in to him. So that’s what we’re looking. We’re looking for. That one is that connection. And we can get it within our marital union. And that’s what we’ve found out. These last 33 years, you know, we’ve both had failed marriages early on. We have a blended family. So we had to balance everything to keep each other at the forefront. But Sex is a very important part of it because now you’re wanting to touch me.
4 (32m 16s):
You’re wanting to be intimate with me that that’s, that’s big. We need that. You know, we have, we have that love language and my husband love language is touch. I’ve gotten to touch him. I’ve got to touch him walking in the mall. I’m touching him, love language.
1 (32m 45s):
We’re trying to do a webcast now, right? This is, this is the issue that as a kid in the sanctified church, and especially every time Sex was mentioned, equated wrong iniquity, sin, equated don’t ever do it. And so when people who are married and do it, they’re going to enjoy it because they feel God will give them. And God forbid, they playing James Cleveland and Kurt Franklin. Why don’t try and try and get busy. The devil.
1 (33m 30s):
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that outside of your phone. Okay. All right. So, so why do you think the church is so negative about Sex? Because again, people here’s the point people are having sex. The problem is they’re probably having it with the wrong person. Well, can I say this from my experience with church and everything? It’s like the preacher man wants to get the offer themselves. So he’s like, don’t do this, don’t do that. Then it’s all like kind of a control mechanism as well. And everyone needs to like, watch that because when, when the attention is put on the audience, it’s probably, you need to watch that preach, man will not more so, so it’s the teaching of it.
1 (34m 21s):
Like where, like, where did that come from? Why not? They didn’t teach. I think which now more churches are probably teaching it. I hope they are, you know, the soul ties and you know, all of the spirit things that go with with sexual connection to you, person, to person, to person, to person. Right. So it’s not just like activities of having fun and making babies. Right. It’s also, I, I, I will say from my couples that I have that are church going people, they aren’t taught the responsibility and sexuality. It is, it is something. So why do you think overall the church has, has is negative.
1 (35m 3s):
I know lie, but I’m going to let you guys talk about why do you think people Latoya, why do people have such a negative connotation towards Sex in your opinion, Victoria?
5 (35m 12s):
I don’t know for sure, but what I think is that combined with American church, American culture and combined with pass down teachings in the church, that is just something that has been perpetuated because that’s how it was taught to them. And so that’s how they teach it. I also think in American culture that even though we are over-sexualized, we still pretend that we’re not, and it, we sell toothpastes with a half naked woman laying down with the toothbrush and, and we still want to act like, Oh, like it’s, it’s supposed to be something like I’m being fresh. If I’m talking about my sexuality or, or I’m being vulgar. If I’m talking about my sexuality and we’ve come a long way in American culture, but I still think it’s that taboo feeling that your more saintly or your more Holy or your more couth, if you don’t talk about these things that are absolutely natural.
5 (36m 3s):
Now I do feel like there’s a decent way to talk about it, as opposed to being crude and, and brash, you shouldn’t be that way. But at the end of the day, everybody was doing it. Cause that’s how the kids got here. That’s how the babies got here, whether they was doing it right. And whether they was enjoying it, it’s none of my business doing it, but they were taught not to talk about that, that that was private. And that’s not something that you spoke about and you know, and I, and I think that it’s just something that’s perpetuated. And I think it just takes somebody to stand up and say, no, we’re not doing that here. And that 300 church, no, we’re not doing it. Here we go. And talk about it from the router to the tutor, because God wants you to be home. Right. Right, right. Right. And what should it be holding? He wants you to be happy. Okay. Warren and then any comments on that.
4 (36m 46s):
Yeah. And that is so true. I believe a lot of people really don’t know how to talk about sex. They don’t know how to address sex. And, and just like I stated last week and our show Sunday morning may not be the time to talk about it. However, there are opportunities for small groups, you know, because if we educate people they’ll know growing up, I knew that people were having sex, but there were no Sex discussion in my home.
4 (37m 30s):
I didn’t see very much affection shown toward my parents. You know, they did, they played their roles and that type of thing. And so when I got married, of course, I’m young. And I don’t think I really understood my husband’s need. However, I was there physically, but I don’t know if I really connect emotionally because I did it. I think as a duty, you know, that’s how it was taught back in the day that it was your job to be there. And so I went through the motion as a duty versus enjoying my husband on a new level.
4 (38m 13s):
And I can experience him on a different level. Every time I’m intimate with him and see people, we don’t know that. And you know, people jump from relationship to relationship because they liked the newness of it. However, if you really connect with each other and you put all that time and effort in your relationship, you can experience your mate on a different level. Every round should go high. Now you’re going to have your winter. You’re going to have your spring, your fall, your summer, every Marriage has that. But guess what? Some are still coming back around. So don’t give up, don’t throw anything away.
4 (38m 53s):
Just hold on that new season right there, but keep working in every season. Right? Right. Right.
5 (39m 2s):
One more thing. I’m sorry, because you can add one more thing. I also want to, I want to use this term loosely, but hopefully you understand what I’m saying. Also slut in the church has been a problem. If a woman dressed sexy, if she wear red lipstick, hello, if she wear nails and high heels shoes, she was looked at as a bad woman. She was looked at at a woman who’s comfortable in her sexuality. She was looked at as a loose woman in regardless to what her sexual activity was just to look at it alone. And so then you bring these, you re bring the church, women who want to be virtuous and who wants to be beautiful and Holy, but they don’t think that they can be beautiful and Holy and look like her because that’s not what it is. And so we also have to break that stigma of what a Sex sexy, Holy woman can look like, because that’s another reason why husbands are suffering because they got ’em on Jamaima in the bedroom.
5 (39m 52s):
And she thinks she doing the right thing. She thinks she’s doing the right thing, but really he tried his best to think about somebody else because it was in front of him. It’s not cute, but we’re that way because they conditionally B be that way. Pull your skirt down, pull the Others zip, that, that split down a soda, split up and pull your shirt up. And isn’t it. And I’m not saying it should be, I’m not modest, whatever modest is to you because that’s, that’s a subjective subjective, but we also need to just cut that, that slut-shaming out and talking about women of the night and all that half of those people are trafficking victims. So we need to stop talking about them. Like they’re not victims anyway. I’m sorry.
1 (40m 26s):
No. Yeah, exactly. That’s true. So, so Real story. I got, I love my wife Portia and so I went down South because I wanted it to show, you know, there’s something about to say. So I wanted to show my sister and you know, people, my family, you know, who my new wife is gonna be. And as, as someone came up to me and said my father’s church, and so someone came up to me and said, Bishop, he said, well, I saw how your, how your future wife looks.
1 (41m 7s):
And her dress was too short. And I said, Oh, things are telling me, cause I told her to wear it right, because it is my satisfaction. What I want now, of course, I’m not going to have my girl showing all her assets in jesus’ name, but I just know any time though, she’s dressing for my pleasure. And a lot of times with couples is that they don’t know how to dress for, to impress each other. They’ll impress the Bishop. They’re impressed. The complication they’re impressed on their job, but what are you doing to impress your spouse?
1 (41m 47s):
I believe this whole harlot, whatever it took to get your spouse is what we’re going to take to keep your spouse. If you to five, five shower before you date it, they’re going to take five showers. After you get married, that consistency will has
0 (42m 2s):
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1 (43m 4s):
This guy, you better be lucky. I didn’t have it on clothes because I don’t like clothes. I’m one of those, like get turned around from the church at the front door, because you are not appropriate. So that has happened before. So yeah, this is my wife and I enjoy, I don’t like clothes. You have to have some flower children that like, we just don’t like, Oh, I understand. And I get, I do that with Adam and Eve. Well, again, speaking of that point is also being honest. You know, I’m a freak about it, about it as afraid I have to be saved, but as afraid and see this, that people don’t want to be no more.
1 (43m 47s):
They want to be, have this cloud, or they always B into, you know, always speaking in tongue brother, you know, always speak in tongues sister. And on top of that, you are so ministering to the people that you don’t come home and minister to your family. And to me, that is the biggest Sam and I are come with that Annie comment. Oh, I concur. I definitely can carry with you. And just like Pastor and Latanya said, we have, you know, I even see over social media and they will post pictures. And they’ll say, is this church appropriate? You know, if something is fitting nice, is this church appropriate?
1 (44m 30s):
It depends on person. You
4 (44m 32s):
Know, it was appropriate for you. It’s your wife. You had no problem. But whomever saw her at the church. They had a problem because that’s what they were taught. And so what holiness is something that we carry, it’s our nature. It’s our DNA. It’s who we are. We walk in that I don’t have to wear a dress all the way down to my Ingles. You know, I grew up.
1 (44m 60s):
Yeah.
4 (45m 3s):
And so we had a little dollies on our head and I was so condemned by that little. And then I’m a hairdresser too. Okay. And so honey, I had the little Dolly first, it had four co-owners. Then I put in one corner, then it had three. Then I put in another corner and now it’s looking like a tissue. And the Bishop said to me, he said, that’s not a Dolly. You’re not covering your head. You know? So that was the way we grew up in that, you know, I was what, 20, 25 during that time,
1 (45m 45s):
Right?
4 (45m 47s):
Yes. I had every color cause they had to match my two piece suit in my bag and, and that kind of stuff. So one particular day, the Bishop stopped by my beauty salon and he had one of the other bishops visiting him. And he had just preached that Bishop had just preached that. And I prior to, and so I greeted him, God bless you, Bishop. Oh, I really enjoy the word. And I noticed he never lifted his head. And later on, I mentioned to my Bishop, I said, what was going on with him? He said, he was watching your, your, your toes were out and they were painted. You don’t have it.
4 (46m 29s):
And so he, he basically Regis what I was saying because he was caught up that my toes were out.
1 (46m 40s):
I think what it does, where we were at with the women,
4 (46m 45s):
It had on clocking stocking and they had on the shirts up to the neck and they had the dollars on your head. And so he was feeling like a Bishop. I don’t understand why you’re allowing evangelists to wear her toes out. And so my Pastor had to explain that to me. And I said, that is so sad because he missed the whole message. He missed an opportunity to give me something powerful that I could walk away with. I’m sharing. The word was so powerful for him. And all he could do was watch my toes. And that’s sad. And that’s what the, that’s how the church is, you know, not overall, but you know, a lot of them are still there.
4 (47m 28s):
And even when it come to sexuality and, and, and, and loving on one another and being who you are, they want a carbon copy. They want it a cookie cutter, husband and wife, and a woman, and man, and we’re supposed to be like this, but I have a personality. I have desires. I have needs, but I’m still a Holy person. Hallelujah.
1 (47m 57s):
I like that. I’m a whole, Portia the Holy person. I like that. I just want it to say I’m T to that. Annie no, go ahead. Go ahead. That was good. Just to keep going. Okay. Right. So, so, so, so really, you know, it’s really couples finding what will help them grow as a couple now as a barrister therapist, I do not believe in open marriages. So don’t come look at me for that. We ain’t doing that. And Jesus man, that’s the form of love. Don’t drink, but really couples need to find out what makes me whole, I tell my members, sometimes they come late for church and is it visual will take care of business.
1 (48m 37s):
And, and they know when they say B business, that mean it just had sex. And so I didn’t want to late for church and I ain’t got no problem with that because the administrator, I have no problem. I have no problem with that. Why? Because to me, it’s a policy that you will minister to the people in the church. It will not do that for your home life or that you have a problem that you will break your back to make sure that someone is taken care of. That just came off the street, but you have a wife and children at home and let’s go deeper. You will go to their baseball games. You will go to their football game. I have a problem with that. Yes Warren. I’m sorry. Warren go ahead.
4 (49m 17s):
It was great. I agree.
1 (49m 26s):
I just, I mean, when it comes to the church talk, I mean, there’s just so much, I want to say dysfunction. Yes. There is. There is in the church. There is. And then we wonder why our communities are the way they are, especially when I’m, when I’m, there’s people of color here. So like there, we wonder why the communities are the way they are. It’s because I’m gonna say it starts at home. And a lot of times, the home, as you guys are saying is not really the home that the persons have at like, you know, two 61 call Ministry, it’s actually the home of the church. So, you know, a lot of that, like just stemming back to home again, we’re not, you know, people are not being taught the ways to be, and really the truths of the whole matter and that responsibility of family.
1 (50m 20s):
Yeah. The responsibility let alone the responsibility of spirit. Like I’m thinking in my head, why does someone have text you that
3 (50m 28s):
They’re saying they’re late because they’re doing that. Like allow people to do what they do. Like to me, the control of the church is way too much. And we talk about government and all these other older controlling us, but it’s right on your own neighborhood. Like it’s right on your own back door, like start with that. And then maybe you could go up. But until I don’t believe in, in, in the, in the control, I believe every person has spiritual capacity. The same thing that the preacher sees is the same thing. I should be saying the same thing the next person should be saying. So I don’t believe this thing over, over man, where the man is always saying, I’ve seen men like this too, but the pastor said this, Oh, the pastor said that I need to ask the pastor this.
3 (51m 15s):
Like, I don’t believe in that, like everyone should be to me. And this is totally different and we can change the subject. But to me, church should be teaching Self leadership. Because at the end of the day, it’s not your pastor standing, holding your hand with you at your judgment day at your dying. Like it’s you yourself. You have to go through that tunnel by herself with your, with God and the angels and the death angel and all of that. There’s no one ushering you into that. We have to be taught Self leadership or who taught Self leadership from the pulpit. I believe we will be taught self-leadership leadership in the camp and the Self let alone in the home and the communities, because everyone has a different destination and view.
3 (52m 2s):
And this is a total different topic from, from the Relationship
2 (52m 7s):
Relationship all right. So really it’s, you know, every person or the Bible says work on your own soul salvation with fear and trembling. And a lot of times people are trying to emulate to your point, emulate what they see in the pulpit. But again, being honest, I was a afraid because what I was in the pulpit, I wasn’t at home. And so people have, have consistently done that, that they saw something that it wasn’t real. That’s why I’m so enthusiastic about being real with what is it going to take for our home? All right. So for Annie Warren it takes that, you know, for down the Brantley and Portia, it takes that. So whatever it takes for your home to be strong and established.
2 (52m 50s):
So be it now, do I believe it takes prayer and God for sure. Do I believe it takes good teaching? Yes. Good teaching. Not controlling teaching, but good. T before we end this thing, can we go back to these door? d’Orleans
3 (53m 5s):
It was like me to go like this because I’m going to shower. And when you go out and around there, the dollar,
4 (53m 26s):
The dollar, hold on. If you didn’t wear one, you couldn’t go out and stop it. Now I know I’m running late for my salon and I get to that church door without a Dolly. The usher will be there. And so she’s going to give me a Dolly may not be the color of my outfit, but I’m going to get a Dolly because I cannot come in unless I have a Dolly, because they were, we were taught that, that this is what your head covering. So we were taking the word out of context that, yeah, it was out of context and we had to wear those dollies.
4 (54m 9s):
And so, you know, we did, you know, a lot of that. I hate to say it, but a lot of it, it wasn’t good teaching, but men, well, just like Portia was talking about dictatorship. Now the Bible tells us that we are to respect and honor, and maybe that produce and that all to say covering, right? Yeah. But you know, even that person that says we’re having relations, maybe that person was on duty that night. Maybe he was a deacon. Maybe he was to pray and that kinda stuff. And we have to reverence our leadership in such a way to say, I’ll be running late, you know, because if I’m looking for you to do worship, I’m going to need you to be in place or need you to be accountable to let me know.
4 (54m 58s):
So I can put someone else in planes and you know, that’s just the right way to do it. However, there is a lot of dictatorship just for the fact that they just want to just keep a clutch into you. Right? Yeah. And I love what Portia said. We should be teaching leadership. You know, if you are a leader and no one’s following you and you, you can’t leave your church for one Sunday and the church go on, then you’re not a good leader. You know, leaders teach others to lead. You know, and with our church, we didn’t have to worry about anything. We took our vacation. We took our weekend and the church was just fine because we were taught them how to lead a sad leader is one that dictates everything.
4 (55m 46s):
He has to be at a prayer meetings. And he’s over the choir. He has to do the praise and worship. He has to do Bible study. What are you teaching people do?
2 (55m 58s):
That’s a, that’s a very powerful point. Because again, I liked how you said you took time away. You, you, you, you and Lauren got away from the people because it can, it’s a time for you to be refreshing. It’s time for you to be renewed. One of the mistakes I’ve made again, and I’m keeping the personal, I’m not sure I’m going to people. And we got about 15 more minutes left here, but really, you know, what mistakes I made was that I didn’t take vacations. I didn’t get away from the people and that’s not good. It was a time of refreshing for me a time of refreshing for my wife, trying to refresh it for my kids. I didn’t do that.
2 (56m 39s):
And because of that, I suck why, because the, the Ministry was fed, but my family wasn’t fed. And that’s what caused a lot of problems down the road. The toll, your comment on that one.
5 (56m 50s):
Sure. I think again, it, it, it, it all rises and falls on leadership, right? Because leadership has to, at some point, like I said about somebody standing up and saying that cycle stops here, I’m gonna go a little further. I’m gonna dig a little deeper. If we keep perpetuating what we’ve been taught without testing, testing it without trying it, then it’s our fault as to what we produce. And so that overworking in that over sense of loyalty without having any loyalty to yourself and any loyalty to your, to the other parts of your life, that’s the perpetuated type of lifestyle you feel like you’re not doing what you’re supposed to do.
5 (57m 31s):
If you don’t show up for everything. And if you don’t break your back and if you don’t go crazy, and this is why you have a lot of Pastors who are secretly on drugs, who are secretly alcoholics, who are secretly in sexual bondage, because they need a place of escape. When all they had to do was go to Jamaica and be happy before the Lord. Right. But then they have these unhealthy ways of escaping because they don’t know what to do with the place that they’re in, because we need certain things. And the word of the Lord teaches us. I just preached last Sunday, there remained the arrest. Yes. There remains arrest in heaven, but there also remains at rest here on earth. Right? And so if God rested during creation, how B, how far be it from us that we don’t think as Phoebe people, human beings, that we don’t have to rest, but that’s with us just sitting down and really take an inventory and listening to the word of God, because all that, all that we need is in the word of God, right?
5 (58m 20s):
He already told us masters, don’t treat your, your servant. You know, we got to use that word loosely servants evil, or, or treat them bad. And you have so many Pastors who are a benevolent dictators, if you will. Right? And so we have to stop the perpetuation. We have to stop doing things that were done to us. We know how it made us feel. We know what it did, what kind of trauma and damage it did to us. Why are you going to keep doing the same thing? That’s laziness. And God is going to judge everyone. Every leader that, that takes a role and does not dig deep into it and make sure that they are doing the right thing by God’s people and by themselves. And so if you, if you think for a moment that if you get an, a plus in the church and you get a C plus at home or C minus at home, that God is going to be pleased, you’ve missed the Mark.
2 (59m 6s):
Got it. Got it. Warren comment. Warren yes, absolutely. I will tell you, this is, this. Everything has been real good. I will tell you. And just going back to what everyone wants, that kind of collectively is it’s
6 (59m 23s):
Being educated, being educated leaders, being educated to lead those who, who may lead to, to, to also educate themselves and to, to know the word for themselves, because there’s so much false teaching. That’s going out, that the people are falling for it. And it it’s real sad. And it’s really sad to see in the news, what these pastors and preachers are out here and do it through the people passed on. I’ll tell you this. It is. And it really, it breaks my, my soul to see the <inaudible> will be perpetuated in the church.
6 (1h 0m 5s):
But, and even in growing up, like I said, we have to be educated in how to, how to be a man, be a man, not necessarily a preacher man, but to be a man, take care of our children and take care of our spouses because we’re there, we get an education on Sex is what we see in the movies and what our home boys and men telling them. And, and, and we take that and we perpetuate that into our, our boys. And, you know, because we’ve been saying being a man, it was his being with as many women as we can possibly, that makes you a man.
6 (1h 0m 47s):
Right. And that’s what the mentality that every take,
4 (1h 0m 51s):
Right. And if they don’t get it from us, they’re going to get it from somewhere because the world is really teaching, you know, and they’re going to get it the corrupt way. So the church has to wake up. The church has to wake up in every aspect. You know, it started with a leadership teaching people to lead lead in my present, lead in my lead in my absence. You know, I, I shouldn’t be envious. I don’t have to be the, the, the Pastor the elder. I don’t have to be everywhere and I don’t have to do with everything. I can actually be so confident in who I am and the message that God has given me that I can just walk away and allow those that I’m leading to go on and to do well and to do what’s right.
4 (1h 1m 39s):
You know, so it’s important that we just wake up all around and do our first work. You know, you know, my son would often say, mom, I need to talk to you. And I don’t need the Pastor Annie I need my mom. And I’m like, okay, the Pastor Annie and your mom is all in one, because, you know, I may not be preaching it with three points. However, it’s who I am. It’s it’s, it’s who God has called me to be. You’re not. And we have some humor. I may laugh. I may joke around, but I still have to be who I am be the real me. And so I tell him, you know, I can’t give you something that I believe in.
4 (1h 2m 20s):
I can’t teach you a way out when I don’t believe that’s the way out. So if you’re asking me, you’re going to have to take what I’m saying, unless you’re not asking me, but they, you know, our children love to say that, you know, I want the, I don’t want the Pastor you, I want the mother, you, but the mother in the Pastor, she’s all in one, you know, I still have to do what I have to do.
3 (1h 2m 44s):
Well, I’m very, I’m very guilty about that. Annie I always tell him, leave that preacher, man, back at back there at that church. I don’t want to hear it. I need Tim and points. Right? I know. I tell him, leave that preacher, man, I don’t need them hooping and hollering and grabbing air and screaming and hollering. No, not that, not that guy. I like the counselor. The counselor is sensitive. He’s always he’s he’s so available. He feels the Pastor might be a little judgmental and a little, I don’t like it.
3 (1h 3m 30s):
I don’t like the Pastor guy too much, but the counselor is so sweet and the Tim he’s so sweet, but as Annie what you were saying about the doing and the being, and, and I think Latoya too, you were saying about like basically being too many places at too many times. I love the scripture in the Bible where Jesus is speaking with Mary and Martha and he’s sitting in the presence of them. Yeah. And one of them is like, Martha’s doing way too much. And she’s so like pissed off that Mary’s kinda, and then she’s doing it. And he says, Mark, that you’re doing too much. There’s only like one or two things that are required of us. So, so for me, when it comes to leadership and I always tell my son, because he’s a great leader in the community.
3 (1h 4m 15s):
And I always even tell this guy, which, you know, you, you, you can’t undo things, but it’s like, you’re only required to do one thing. Right? Like find that one thing, because everybody else has a job too. Like we don’t always have to do it all. And as why we, we tend to leadership when I’m, when I’m thinking of leadership, we tend to burn out because we’re trying to do way too much. That’s not even our task to do. Like who told us we had to do all these things. There’s only one thing required of Annie. There’s only one thing we’re part of Warren, Pastor, With so dearly and only a couple of weeks ago.
3 (1h 4m 58s):
Thanks. And there’s just a few things required of you as well. Like, and for, and for me too, as a leader in the community, we have to find what that is so that we’re not earning out so that we can have time for family so that we can have time for fun so that we can have time for joy. There is there so much amazing things to do in the world. Like this is so God street scene teachers, you know, there’s so many things to be doing, but beyond the four walls of a church. And I think for, you know, 20, 20, a lot of church folk have realized that because you couldn’t go to church and doing some things, I think a lot of people, a lot of leaders, I would say church leaders have learned to live outside of the church life.
3 (1h 5m 45s):
And they’re seeing that, wow, there’s so much more, and there’s so much creativity that we could also tap into by then
2 (1h 5m 53s):
To wrap this thing up. I was having my wife going to talk about the Joseph Bell spirit, but our time is almost up, but I liked how you talked about, so next, are you available to come back later on in November? Yes. No. All right. Good. All right. So we’re definitely will tackle that Jessica controls, but what you talked about earlier, so let’s kinda wrap up what we learn so far. I’m going to start with my lovely wife, a little recap, what you learned today.
3 (1h 6m 24s):
I just learned that, you know what leaders are very, and I’m, so I’m the outsider looking in. I, I, I’m a leader of my community, but I’m a leader of my child. So, and he’s become a great leader. So just from the outside, kind of looking in at the leaders that we have amazing leaders among us today, I say, take time out to laugh, take time out to teach those things that we’re not taught us in the past, because now this is our future, this, and so right now we’re sitting in the past, right? So we teach those things that needs to be taught in the future because someone is depending on us to teach them truth.
3 (1h 7m 10s):
So those that have that platform for me, and I could, I could see that as an outsider, looking in, you know, people. So when I’m on God street team, people want love. They want to be witnessed and to be heard and seen. And they also just want your truth. We don’t have to really preach at people and tell them all their judgments. And when they’re not doing it, people know that already. We know that, especially you’re talking to adults, like we get it. We already know we get that judgment to ourselves. It’s just showing up and being present, not just for, you know, the church per se, but just for everyone that you encounter, like be present for everyone.
3 (1h 7m 52s):
So just to take out time for leadership, because Annie a, Warren, you know, parts work now looking in, there’s some things there of the past that probably needs to be unburdened and lifted so that you can fully go forward Latoya as well, girl, you seem like you’ve got it all wrapped up. There’s also some, some, probably some underlying that need to be unburdened as well to move forward so that you can have a very healthy lifeline in the spiritual realm, as well as, as natural round. And you, of course, he’s working on me. I worked with this boy does boy, this man side by side every day.
3 (1h 8m 32s):
And he’s just very giving as much as he’s a leader. He’s also teachable. And I can really appreciate that. And as much as I’m a leader of, of many children and, and my community, I’m also very teachable. So is it is have fun, just have fun doing all of it, wrap up.
5 (1h 8m 52s):
I, my wrap up is that I think what I learned is that we, as leaders need to quit being lazy and really take the time to an unlaced, certain foundations that have not served us that have not served those that we’re leading it really, B not be afraid to stick out like a sore thumb and not be afraid to tear down certain ideologies and certain culture traditions that we have that has been passed on to us and say, no, we’re not going to do this anymore. Or we’re going to change how we do this. And this is no longer a problem. And whatever it is to not be not to be afraid to say, no, it stops here. And to be more sensitive to what we shell out over our pulpits, because the people they come to us because they want to be led, right.
5 (1h 9m 39s):
They come to us because they do need help. Right? And so we need to beat to stand up and make sure that we’re giving what our congregation needs and not what work network needs or, or not what B T network needs, or try to make, try to use our platform for fame, but you’re really get deep down in the trenches and in the dirt that sheep, making sure that we’re caring for them in the proper way. And, and cause that’s the work of the ministry. That’s the real work of the ministry. And of course, if you’re a good lead and your family will follow you too. So there’ll be all included as well. And then I love what you said, ms. Portia about laughing. I believe it’s God’s prescription as God’s prescription. It is medicine. And so yes, laugh along and laugh hard and enjoy your life.
5 (1h 10m 23s):
And I’ve been saying this, you only have one time in this life. And the time that we have wasted, we ought to repent. And we ought to make sure that we take every day and maximize it, not just in service to others, but it serves to ourselves. And so I think that’s, you know, that’s what I got from this conversation today.
3 (1h 10m 44s):
Salley comment. Okay.
4 (1h 10m 47s):
Wow. This has been really great. I love what I love what you guys have said here today. We pastored a church for 14 years. We grew that church from what, six or seven in our den into over 300. And we had an adult daycare. We had our learning center. And so I said that to say, this leadership is a different to certain people, certain leaders like dictatorship. We like leadership. We like to teach people to learn and you know, grew out of that.
4 (1h 11m 28s):
And we did to them as we wanted them to do unto us, we took our vacations. They entered the summer. We charted a big bus. We took the, the church and to Disney world several times. And so there’s a lot of bad experiences that people have taken away from the church. And the church is still, the church is still God’s entity and he still desire. He hadn’t changed his mind about the church, but I think we abstained the church because of our expectation and because of our criticism and because of our expectation of the church, we need to go back to the Bible and teach people how to be better.
4 (1h 12m 12s):
People, not dictatorship. Don’t wear that, put your dollar on. Where’s your dollar. Where’s that in the Bible, let’s teach the word. Let’s teach the leadership. Let’s teach a love, you know, and let’s move the church forward. And you know, Portia it about being out in the trenches. We pass her 14 years, but we’ve been on the radio and television for the last five years and we’re doing greater work. Oh, we, you know, people say, do you miss the church? No, we don’t miss the church because now we’re at a great a place now we’re, we’re, we’re spreading the word. Even the more now we’re making a greater impact the church was for then, but this is for now. So we’re going higher and higher.
4 (1h 12m 53s):
And things like this is so needed because people can just click their phones and listen to good stuff. Good sound doctrine, good sound leadership, not dictatorship. That day is over. And I believe that COVID-19 is a blessing in a lot of ways because people are coming out of the churches and they’re going to worry about it. So it was the go go ye therefore it all the world. And that’s where we are.
6 (1h 13m 19s):
Hey man. Thank you, sweetie. I just want to say thank you, dr. B Portia for this platform and Pastor thank you for your words of wisdom and insight. This has been, I’ll tell you, this has been so great. The church has to go back to, like you said, do go back and do that work back over. Because as I was listening to Portia talking, I remembered how the church then, and Herbert, to the point I batched lead and I can remember your dad telling me he used to call me vol.
6 (1h 13m 60s):
He didn’t call me Warren he’s because I, he said, Vaughn. He said, now when you go before God, are they going to go and go stand before them? Or are you going to stand before? Because I was using the hurt that I got from the church as a reason for backsliding. Yeah. Yeah. But here’s the thing. I, I wasn’t, I think for me, I held the church in high esteem, which was out of it, which I suppose to, but I put, I think I put the Pastors in God and God space, not knowing that, not realizing that he’s man is fallible.
6 (1h 14m 49s):
God is, and I put the two in the wrong place and even in Annie and it even affected our marriage as well at first, because I think that I was out of place emotionally. I was out of place physically and not only did my marriage suffered, but we serve for, for a long time, but I just want to say, thank you, thank you all for you guys. And, and for this platform and for being, Real being a platform where we can lay it out on the line and be wrong about anything. Yeah, yeah.
2 (1h 15m 33s):
Unless you all for, for coming on, you know, I have two different webinars every month, you know, and, and this one is really near and dear to my heart because we want to help people get closer to God, but also to their families. Because again, for so long, we’ve used the church as an escape goal to get away from being responsible and getting away from B character. And then we let Stress come in and help them in affairs, all types of negativity. So hope people really enjoy this Real and wildness, we wasn’t trying to impress you. This is not what this is wrong platform for that.
2 (1h 16m 13s):
All right. This is about being Real law and helping you not make the same mistakes I definitely made so that you can be better. Why? Because a good teacher wants to teach the next generation what not to do. All right. And for too long have taught the same thing, which is why we had the same capacity. Last point, it, church of God in Christ church. And I came out of, you know, the Pastors didn’t wear wedding rings. I mean, they’ll walk, they’ll wear their Bishop ring, but it never will say, Oh yeah. Oh yeah, they’re wearing rings. Why? Because they have this mindset that, you know, his church first Marriage second.
2 (1h 16m 53s):
No, sir. Now that’s now maybe things that’s changed. And, and church guy inquiries since I left, but it was a little boy. I did not see the pastor with his wedding ring on this, me on the wedding ring. So it is really understanding that, you know, people are, yes, yes. Raw wearing his own wedding rings. He’s really happy. We understand that. We want things differently. We’ve got to do things differently. So God bless. Y’all look with our time in November and we’ll do this again. God bless you guys.
0 (1h 17m 30s):
Thank you for tuning into Real Raw With Dr B. This show is a product of the total Relationship trainer, a Ministry of restoration Springs into denominational church. If you have any questions, comments, or topics to be discussed contact at dr. B is real@gmail.com. If you’d like to hear the show again, you can go to the Real Raw With Dr B Facebook page. If you are being led to give and want to partner with us, donations are accepted via cash app at dollar sign RSIC 1997. We also accept donations via PayPal at new rest, one twenty@yahoo.com for donations of $25 or more, we will send you an autograph copy of one of his books.
0 (1h 18m 18s):
For more information about dr. B. You can check him out@drtccbrantley.com or on Twitter at Coach TC Brantley and on Instagram at dr. Brantley PhD until next time be encouraged and to God be the glory.
