Transcript of How Parents Talk to Kids
Transcript of How Parents Talk to Kids
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Welcome to real raw with dr. B this nationally published author and pastor has made it his life’s work to helping people strengthen their relationship with God themselves and each other with 25 years as a licensed counselor, coupled with his own life experiences with the ups and downs of married and single life. It’s like having a counseling session right in your own home. So without any further ado, it’s time for real raw with dr. B, Oh my goodness.
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This is doctor B, where we come on to help you have a better relationship with God yourself and with others, because everything’s about relationship. And when your relationships are in dismount to a form, you really can’t function to your full comparison. Alright? The day segment, Oh, you ain’t gonna like this. You ain’t gonna like it. You’re gonna hear how parents talk to your kids. Okay. Now, now I’m gonna come out there. I’m gonna come out the boat and say right now, parents, you can’t curse your kids out.
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I’m a, I’m going to come out of that. I ain’t afraid. None of y’all. I’m afraid. None of y’all. I ain’t worried about nothing, man. I ain’t worried about no, no, no, no, no, no. You can not continually to curse your kids out. You can’t call a little, you know, about to say, gee, you can’t do that because you are in partying.
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Okay?
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You are imparting things into their lives. You are in partying that spirit into their lives and you don’t expect any type of negativity. When you do that down the road, you have plans
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The seed.
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Okay? You planting seed parents. Listen, I’m talking from my own jacked up parenting. I was not a good parent. And I’m a, I think I’m a little better now. Well, what are you gonna talk to? My kids? I paid them off first. I’m kidding how I’m kidding. All right. But, but again, here we go. Men hear me loud and clear, especially me and him. Lion clip. You will always planting seeds. Okay. Now physically, right?
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Physically you gave your wife semen. That’s her. That’s a proper word. Alright. Alright. And from that semen, it connected to the egg. And then a baby was born nine months later. Right? That’s how it works. All right. Right. Well guess what men, you never hear me, man. You never stop giving seed. Wow. A lot has give that revelation to me. You never stop giving. See guys hear me loud and clear.
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So when you are absent, right when you are not in that child’s life, especially the boy, especially the boy when you’re not in their life, they are not getting seed. I’m sorry. They’re getting seed, but it’s negative. Okay. It’s negative seed. Why? Because you have created a vacuum. Alright. So here you are cursing your kids out saying you ain’t no good saying you’re dumb saying you’re stupid.
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Don’t you think that’s affecting the child after a while? Right? And then, and then, so your parents got in there. I don’t know what’s wrong with him. Really? Really? You have no clue that after calling him out his name, you don’t know why he has self-conscious issues. Come on. Think about it. The originator. Yes. I know.
1 (4m 24s):
Okay. For you deep people. I know God is originator. Okay. But mom and dad got together and created a jowl. All right. So to deal with them, the originator, the mom and dad is telling them they’re no good. Did you get, you get, you, get you. You’re telling a child that their life doesn’t mean anything. I don’t, I don’t have the statistics. I don’t have statistics. But how many kids who are depressed, who are taking pills for depression?
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How many of them have parents who cursed him? I have a sick and feeling the close ratio. Listen, one thing I dig around with my kids. One thing I dig her up. My kids is that we had a game with my kids and I would sit them in front of me enough to get this. And I do it to this day. They said, dad, stop it. But I’m so used to it. I said, are you stupid?
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No. Are you intelligent? Yes. Are you handsome? Yes. Are you a fool? No. I spoke that into their lives. That’s the one thing I did get right with my kids. I, because I was planning what seeds. Okay. I was trying to tell them that. No. Oh my God. No one will define you because I’m defining you. I felt a priest coming by living now alone.
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No one is going parents. The reason why a lot of our kids are kind of Spacey. That’s a good word for that Spacey out there because parents, you haven’t defined them yet. You haven’t told them who and what they are or what’s your style when you crushing at them, guess what you’re doing? You tell them who they are. Okay. Again, Facebook, the subject matter is how parents talk to kids.
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All right. Yes. I know. Sometimes your child can get out of line. I got it. I hear you. But can I back a little bit? Is it possible?
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Oh,
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Oh, what am I client said? I don’t know what my daughter is cursing. And I asked her Madden. Do you curse? She couldn’t talk too much. Why? Because you are okay. What’s the D word here. You are making a deposit. Okay? You are making a deposit into that child. You are making a deposit.
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You are telling them who and what You are telling them, who they are and what they are. So you keep cursing at them. Tell them they won’t be no good. They are no good. They never will be no good. Then you are making a deposit. Now can we go deeper? I will. I’m gonna start it. And then I’ll pick it up in, in part two. Is it possible parent? The reason why you talking to your kids and saying all amount of negativity to them because your parents did that.
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Yeah. So in other words, you are continuing to what cycle your parents were absent. You’re absent. Your parents are negative. You’re negative. So all of these things are combinating to how you are in a deal with your child. All right, we’re coming back with segment. Number two with parent talk in his book, single ladies, get ready for your men. Dr. B teaches women on how not to settle for less than what they want in a future husband.
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This is a book to get
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Purchases of this book and all of dr. B’s books can be made via dr. TC brentley.com and also Amazon, as well as Barnes and noble.com. And now back to dr. B,
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Oh my goodness. How are you doing out there? We’re doing vine a segment today is talking about parent talk. We have questions from a gallery. It’s called a Facebook gallery and a executive producer, minister Henry. And he’s going to give me the questions. Go ahead and scenery.
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How do you impart knowledge to a single mother? That’s raising kids. I’m assuming by herself. Yeah. Yeah. That you are currently in.
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It is very difficult when someone’s been raising a child for a long time by themselves. All right. Okay. By themselves. All right. So, so it’s going to take awhile because number one, she has to trust you. First brother. She has to trust you because usually they may have an LA don’t get mad at me. Lady don’t get mad at me. Usually that means that probably wasn’t a revolving door. Meaning men will come in and out in and out of that home and they’re not in our home. And so right now she has an emotional callous.
1 (10m 12s):
She has emotional pain that she ain’t hearing from nobody. So I will say to you, the first thing to do, don’t try to minister to the child and you know, I’m gone right minister to her right. Minister and love her. Okay. You keep loving her when she asks for your suggestions or she actually your input, you definitely give it. And if she doesn’t do it, you don’t flip.
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Okay. Because that is her child. Again, she would raise her child before you came into her life. And once you understand that, because women are like, she bears very territorial guy. Now, sometime the terror, Charlie. Right. And sometime they’re totally wrong. So it’s really trying to understand where they may be acting. All right, EAP, next question.
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Next question. How to deal, how as a single parent to deal with a child’s depression.
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Oh, wow. Okay. So really, as a parent, you, first of all, you need to know your child. Okay? Okay. I know that kind of sounds simple, but it’s true. Sometimes as parents, we can get so busy, right? That we don’t recognize there’s a shift now. Nah, not hear me. The good thing. The good thing about being a parent is that if you know your child you’ll know when something is turned real quickly, you know, immediately either they’re not talking, they shut up in their room.
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Something happened to make them make a turn. So your job as a parent is not to beat them up. Your job is to be inspected, Crusoe and find out what’s going on. But again, that child is something, there was a stimuli, right? Okay. There was a stimuli that came into that child’s life that has veered them in the wrong way. So, and also it may take you taking that child to counseling, to find out what’s really going on.
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And I will say this to you. A lot of people don’t understand this when there’s a single parent involved and only involved that will cause depression as you get older. Because, because the child will say, what’s wrong. Come on, somebody what’s wrong. What with what? Me? Okay. How come my mom don’t want me? How come my dad don’t want me? My friend’s parents are involved. You know, my friend’s parents were there, but my parents, I only have one parent.
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So that could cause a depression right there. All right. Next question. What should I do with parents that don’t listen to their son. They don’t see you for who they are.
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It’s a man really specific question.
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Alright. Rutgers will Madame assemblies. I believe what they’re trying to. Yeah. Translations are amplified version, sir. What’s your, I guess if you’re a grown, if you are an adult that has parents and how do you, how do you deal with those parents? Who only see you? Got it? Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. Got it. All right. So, so, so, so I’m gonna take a step back then take a step forward.
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Okay. Number one, sometimes older parents will only see you as a child, if you haven’t taken responsibility. Okay. In other words, if you still standing in their home and not paying no bills, their progress says you as a child. They didn’t like that response. I mean it, if they’re still driving you around daddy, 17 years old, alright, shiny. He leg.
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I gotta take it to work. Okay, dad, you know, then that’s a good possibility that they could treat the child. Now on the other end, though, if you are responsible and you are doing you’re right, there’s good chance that your parents have not accepted that you have grown. Okay? And in that case, your job is to do you and your job is to not look for their affirmation. Cause you may not get it. Your job is to do what you can for them, where they allow.
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And this is most importantly, you’re not working the appeasement. That’s very important because sometimes what grown children will do, they will try to please a parent and the parent is not moving. Not budging how they feel. They’re stubborn, they’re bitter. They hurt. They don’t know about life. And so, so nothing you do will appease them. So your job to keep it moving. Because right now that parent is just stuck in a mind frame and our mind frame.
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I hate to say it probably won’t ever move. So again, your job is to be the best a grown person. You can be respectfully, but again, some parents are just stuck in their ways and your job also, lastly. Okay. Most importantly, I don’t know what the word earlier, I’ll say the word again. Your job is not the cycle. What they’re doing to you, to your children. That’s very important. All right, sir. Next question. A followup to that question and I think you might’ve already answered it.
1 (15m 55s):
Okay. Should I talk to my parents? Even if they’re stuck in there, you know what? There’s nothing wrong with starting a conversation, but the songs you can goes left, leave it alone, just leave it alone. You know, honor your mother and father. That’s one of the commandments, the 10 Camaro. So it’s the only father and mother and that, and, and that discussion may not ever happen, but it won’t be because you didn’t try to start it. All right. So as long as you’re trying to start the discussion, and matter of fact, I’m getting more of these reconciliation counseling sessions where the grown children are trying to reconcile with their mother and fathers.
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It’s very powerful, but it’s also was willing before. It’s, it’s very time consuming because it’s a, it’s a, it’s a long, it’s a long journey because things have just been there for such a long time. But the good news is someone wants to stop the cycle. Next question, sir. Okay. All right. So, so again, those are good questions and about parent talk, but again, it is understanding that the focus can not just be on yourself now.
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Apparent again, I’m talking to you, you’re gonna understand you leaving a legacy. Okay? Okay. Okay. I’m gonna start this and then we’ll finish it. And, and segment three, you are starting a legacy. Now I’m 55 years old. I pray, God, give me 30 more years in Jesus name. You know, I don’t know how long you going to leave me here, but you know what I’m doing. I’m really trying to work on my legacy. You know, legacy with my children, you know, legacy with my new fiance, you know, legacy with the church, God has given me legacy with my counseling practice that God’s given me, you know, what are you leaving behind?
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You know, the worst thing that can happen to you parent is that you see your child parent, like you parent them. And it was in a negative way. That that is one of my worst fears is that I’ll see my son and my daughter, when, when I have grandchildren will parent, they will parent my grandchildren. Like I like, I parented them. So my job is, you know, what, what legacy am I going to leave behind? Because again, it’s the parent talk.
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And now if you don’t have the talk, then you really are setting up your son and your daughter for defeat, because guess what? You brought the man. Oh my God here, Lord. Thank you. So, so I’m gonna say this and then we’re going to segment three. So you brought them in the world, right? All right. So, so guess what? They are a cup last. Good. They are a cup for you. Alright, we’ll come back and we’ll finish talking about the segment real raw with dr.
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B is brought to you by the total relationship trainer, a ministry of restoration Springs, interdenominational church, Hosea four six says our people die for a lack of knowledge to that end. Dr. V has written 24 nationally published books on relationships, intimacy and theology. You can check out his library at dr. T C brentley.com. Backslash bookstore. If you or a loved one are in a difficult season in your life, marriage or personal situation, you can reach out to doctor B at area code (203) 753-7377 or via email at dr.
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B is real@gmail.com. That’s D R B I S R E a l@gmail.com. Now back to your virtual relationship counselor, here’s more of dr. B. All right. I hope you guys enjoyed this segment about parent talk and that we ended up talking about the cup. All right. So let’s break down the word cup. All right. So see, you gotta be careful. Okay, parent.
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Alright. You gotta be careful. Okay. You, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, you got to be careful what you put in your child’s life. Okay? Cause if you are not care, what you put in their life is going to come back and bite you. Okay? You, you have to understand that, that I have to be again, not trying to be their friend. Okay. But I’m trying to guide that child into the right place. All right. So it’s being careful. You put another color here you is umbrella.
1 (20m 51s):
Yeah. You are their umbrella, right? Your job is to keep them covered. Okay. It ain’t funny now, but my daughter, she was like 14, 15. And so she told me to take her to a party. So I was trying to be helped and all of the pastor, but I am a Paso Jami here. So I took it to party and you know, nosy me, newsy me.
1 (21m 22s):
I stayed with potty. Yeah. I stayed for that day. And so I didn’t wreck, you know, I haven’t been to a party about 20 years. I never been to a party baby. So all of a sudden they put the chairs out. I said, Oh, they’re going to play musical chairs. Oh, I surprised. So as they put the chairs out, Hey, come these wet back 15 years.
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I’m trying not to curse. Y’all 15 year old guys sitting in chairs. They head come. These girls give them lap dances. I said the devil’s a lie because my daughter was nine. So you know that did, I took up all those chants and put them back the bullet to my daughter said, listen, y’all got, tell her, Hey, they kicked me out.
1 (22m 29s):
Yeah. They kicked me out. But my daughter was covered that day. Yeah, here. They kicked me out. Yeah. I’m still in counseling for that one, but I don’t care. I covered my daughter. Yeah. She could’ve got raped that day. Yeah. No, no, no, no. I covered my daughter. Yeah. Alright. P you know what P is? I know, you know, it’d be a patience.
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You gotta be patient. Okay. You, you, you, you gotta be patient with your children because someone was patient with you. I know parent. You don’t remember when you were a handful. I know you don’t remember when no one couldn’t stand you. I know you don’t remember when your middle name was. I can’t stand it. I can’t wait to his grown. I know you don’t remember the hard time you give your mom on your there. I know you don’t remember the time you had your mama been crying. I know you don’t remember the time your daddy was up three o’clock in the morning waiting for your button to come home.
1 (23m 33s):
I know. All right. So guess what your parents give you. Patients give you boy, patient give you girls patients. All right, because they need you. Cause you’re the cup. Okay. They are a cup and it’s really deciding what you put into their body. Okay. Cause if you don’t decide that you’re gonna be in trouble. Yes. CP. Yes, sir.
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You go into depth about punishment of children.
1 (23m 59s):
Well, that’s a good one. That’s a good one. Alright. So you know, everyone’s different, but my thing is okay. And I’ll be very broad, but also very Pacific. Let the punishment all right. Fit the crime. And also also very important. Can we do some investigating?
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Alright.
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My parents did not believe in investigating. My parents did not believe in. Can we investigate this? Let me put the light on you and let’s get fingerprint. Let’s get infrared. Let’s get law and order dumped dune. And then that’s one thing you need to do before you do the punishment. Can we do some investigating? Okay. Let’s find out the circumstances. Find out what’s going on. Let’s find out. Did you add to their crime?
1 (24m 56s):
Ooh. Maybe because the reason why your son was in the car with a guy that got pulled over because they were drunk is because your son got tired of waiting for you after two hours and you didn’t show up. And so the friend came and took the child home. Instead of taking them home, they got drunk. And now the child is home and you, and you want to punish the child. Oh, can we do some investigating? Alright. So once you investigate, then you fit the punishment to the crime.
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And I will tell you this right here as a counselor, it can’t be the same old dang on punishment every single time for every single crime, because you’re not teaching your child how to be fair. Okay. So it’s really investigating and then let the, let the punishment equate to the crime. Yes. EAP. That was a good, that’s a very good question. As a followup to that question. Yes, sir.
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How do you feel about, well, what we, what we would call spanking? Well,
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It’s not what I say, what the Bible says. You know, the Bible said spare the rod. I don’t show the Bible, but the Bible does say that it’s better out than, you know, spar the child. Alright.
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Bishop what’s that scripture.
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Okay. Hang on. Let me see if I can find it in this time constraint right here, because it’s really saying that when you do not give appropriate action. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Proverbs 1324. This is the Bible of judge Proverbs 1324. It says he, that spareth, his rod hated his son, but he, that loveth him chastise him be times.
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All right. So in other words, if I love my child, I’m not going to say it’s all right. It’s all right. It’s all right. It’s all right, because I’m giving them a Rose colored glasses. Okay. And I’m really not preparing them for the real world. The real world is where it should be is that there are consequences of your actions. So if I’m not using some type of punishment again, is it the rod every single time? Of course not. And I definitely don’t believe in doing the rod to the point that you are drawing blood and you are pulling welts on your child.
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Now, back in the day, that was a sign of honor by the parent. You see the weapon, that child boy head. I did that. Well, that was back in the day. You better not do that. Now go, DTLP down your back in the second. But I am saying is that you use wisdom, okay? You wisdom. And I really believe that really? Everything think about it. Most kids who act up you ain’t gonna like this one don’t really want,
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You want,
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They want your attention. And sometimes what kids will do since, since they can’t get your attention in a positive way, they get your attention in. Then what? In a negative way. So it’s really, again, it’s not what I say, what the scripture says. And I believe the word of God. But again is how about this? How about this one? Okay. How about this one? I’ll give it to you. So if God gave me grace, Then the parents should give their child grace as well.
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Yes, sir. Next question. In what way do we approach while a lot of questions about children’s day, huh? I mean, Oh, glory to God. Go ahead, sir. Our children about racism. Wow. That is excellent question. All right. So really, really, I think we preached about this a couple weeks ago. Racism is taught.
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Okay.
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So you can’t worry about what someone else has says, parent, you gotta make sure you’re teaching your child love. Okay? You’re teaching your child that I look at you based on who you are, not the color of your, what your skin. So that’s how you deal with racism. It’s teaching your child to look at people for who they are. And also racism is also saying, being quiet when things are done, what wrong. Okay. That’s a problem. A formal racism is when you see something being done and you don’t address it, you don’t say anything about it.
1 (29m 37s):
Well, well, guess what? By you being quiet. Guess what? You’re in an accessory to the crime. Yeah. And as when people come up with the word white privilege, because you’re seeing things being done wrong, but because you are the same color, the other person who’s causing the pain, you get quiet. I’m sorry, sir. I’m sorry, mom and dad. You teaching the child to do racism. All right. That’s a very good question. All right. People, I was surprised about how many questions about parenting, but we give God glory and honor, because our job is to be real raw is to cover all topics.
1 (30m 17s):
If you have any topical questions, please email us. Dr. B is real@gmail.com. Dr. B is real@gmail.com. All right, we’ll see you in the coming weeks. Facebook things you for participating. Those who listening to this on the podcast, our time is up, but we usually broadcast on Tuesday after four o’clock. So if you want to be in our virtual audience, I think the method you call it, a virtual audience we’re on at, at the 4:00 PM on Tuesday and EAP.
1 (30m 53s):
Maybe we’ll put that somewhere in our thing about the virtual audience. All right. People, God bless you. Please be prayerful. We’re here for you. We all your virtual counselor. So if you were thinking about investing in this ministry, EAP will give you the information, how to do that. God bless you. Hope you guys are blessed again. I love this job because I’m giving you when no one gave me. All right, until next week, please.
1 (31m 23s):
Thank you for tuning into real row with dr. B, this show is a product of the total relationship trainer, a ministry of restoration Springs into denominational church. If you have any questions, comments, or topics to be discussed contact at dr. B is real@gmail.com. If you’d like to hear this show again, you can go to the real roll with dr. B Facebook page. If you are being led to give and want to partner with us, donations are accepted via cash app at dollar sign RSIC 1997.
1 (31m 58s):
We also accept donations via PayPal at new rest, one twenty@yahoo.com for donations of $25 or more, we will send you an autograph copy of one of his books. For more information about dr. B, you can check him out at dr. TC brentley.com or on Twitter at coach TC Brantley and on Instagram at dr. Brantley PhD until next time be encouraged and to God be the glory.
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